Top 20 Horror Films You Should Know

October is upon us! Run for your lives! It’s horror movie month! So let's revive this article.

Horror is consistently one of the most popular genres in film, with even middling movies guaranteed to make money. Why? Because audiences want to feel emotion from their entertainment, and no emotion is easier to evoke than fear. Fear comes in many forms, everything from being startled to deep psychological terror. Few movies reach that final level, but when they do they leave a scar on our culture. With that in mind, let’s talk about the twenty most significant horror films. These aren’t necessarily the best or the most scary or even my favorites, but when you die. . . these will be on the test.

1. Night of the Living Dead (1968): The importance of this film cannot be overstated. This film brought horror movies to adult audiences. Before this, horror was costumed monsters aimed at kids. This film also created the zombie craze which continues unabated today in film and within the Democratic party, and it established all the conventions for the zombie subgenre. “Yes we can. . . yes we can.”

2. The Omen (1976): The Omen spawned the “Satan is coming” subgenre and gave us Damien Thorn, a figure who now represents pure evil in the popular culture. There are even indications this film influenced the American view of Satan and the Book of Revelations. And Gregory Peck playing Damien’s father made it respectable for big name stars to do horror movies. “Let him that hath understanding count tonight’s lotto numbers: 6 - 6 - 2.”

3. The Exorcist (1973): Before Rosie O’Donnell’s Potty-Cam Extravaganza, The Exorcist was considered by many to be the scariest movie of all time. This film brought exorcism to the public consciousness and spawned a demonic possession craze in modern horror films. It also introduced the now-clichéd idea of pitting a demon against a priest who lost his faith. . . gimme $20 on the priest. “The Power of Christ compels you, and your little dog too!”

4. Alien (1979): Alien brought modern horror into the realm of science fiction. It established Ridley Scott (who would redefine science fiction) and it taught us that some aliens want to do worse to us than probe our nether regions. “In space, no one can hear you squeal like a pig boy!”

5. Jaws (1975): Jaws sparked a nationwide panic over and fascination with sharks, which continues to this day. Jaws is particularly noted for waiting to reveal the monster until late in the film to build suspense, though ironically this wasn’t intentional, they just had a hard time making the mechanical shark work. . . which is what they get for hiring a union shark. “Be a real shame if something happened to your boat.”

6. Halloween (1978): Though tame by modern standards, Halloween introduced the slasher film. Halloween gave us Michael Myers, as a masked, speechless, killing machine, who escapes a mental hospital and returns home to kill his family and everyone else in town. And they say you can never go home again?! This murderous Marcel Marceau has become the template for modern slasher villains. “It’s not a man, baby!”

7. The Shining (1980): One of the most iconic and oft-referenced horror films, The Shining is the story of Jack Torrance, who ostensibly goes insane while working as the winter caretaker of a haunted hotel. . . ** cough ** drama queen. This movie, more than any other, defined Jack Nicholson and made Stephen King stories a staple of horror films (though, ironically, King and the film “hated” each other). “All work and no play increases Jack’s take home pay!”




"There's no zipper inspector."



8. The Ring (2002): At a time when slasher flicks had become the norm, this film imported the Japanese vision of horror in which creepy, but non-gory images (often involving children or Hello Kitty) terrorize the heroine while she tries to solve the mystery of what created the evil spirit. It also taught us how bad computer viruses can get. A whole slew of identical, remade Japanese films followed (e.g. The Grudge, Dark Water, The Eye, Children of a Lesser Godzilla, etc.). “It’s the Michael Jackson sex tape!”

9. The Haunting (1963): This oft-remade and copied story of a group of paranormal investigators who deserve everything they get for spending several nights in a HAUNTED house established the haunted house subgenre. Seriously, what part of HAUNTED did they not understand? Idiots. “The spirit of Pelosi haunts the House.”

10. 28 Days Later (2002): This movie revived the slowly dying zombie subgenre, by introducing fast-twitch zombies. Suddenly, zombies became a whole lot more menacing. “Repent the end is extremely f**king nigh.”

11. Resident Evil (2002): Resident Evil established the craze of turning videogames into movies, for which we’re all thankful. It also popularized the use of scantily-clad, young women as the butt-kicking heroes, for which we’re all thankful. “You're all going to die down here. . . and not in a good way.”

12. Poltergeist (1982): This anti-clown diatribe introduced the country to the poltergeist, not a ghost but a malevolent force that haunts people rather than places. This has since replaced simple hauntings in films. It also told ghost hunters what kind of equipment they’re supposed to bring and it introduced ideas like the blinding white light you see after paying your taxes. “They’re here. . . and they brought beer!”

13. Friday the 13th (1980): The story of risen-from-the-dead, hockey-mask-wearing, chainsaw-wielding Jason Voorhees, this film added a supernatural element to the silent, killing-machine character first seen in Halloween, and gave us motiveless killers who can’t be killed no matter how many times you shoot them, stab them, or drop a piano on them. . . unless you use dip. This movie also taught us not to go skinny dipping when you’re in a horror movie. “They call this place Camp Psycho-Bait.”

14. Scream (1996): The story of a killer who’s watched too much Sesame Street, Scream revived the horror genre for younger audiences by setting the film around thirty-year-old teen actors and following like a hipper, totally like cynical, tongue-in-cheek style or whatever. “Obama let me down!”

15. Saw (2004): A snuff film with little else to recommend it, Saw opened the door for modern torture porn, which all but abandons story in favor of 90 minute, sadistic bloodbaths. . . a real leap forward for the human spirit. “Let's play a game. How about Clue?”




"You want us to cut through our wrists. . . but only when it's funny?!"





16. The Blair Witch Project (1999): Shot like a home movie, this story of three film students, who vanish chasing an urban legend started the “found footage” horror film subgenre. “We shouldn’t have meddled!”

17. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Elm Street gave us Freddie Krueger, who can kill you in your dreams. . . just like noctosoriasis. This film is referenced in dozens of later films, inspired numerous sequels and copies, and encouraged slasher films to step up the special effects and creativity by 16%. “Your eyes are getting sleeeeepy.”

18. The Amityville Horror (1979): Father goes crazy, repeats the murderous rampage of the prior owner, blames house. Now that’s creative lawyering! This film popularized the fake “true” horror story, which has become a bit of a cottage industry. “Honey, I got a killer deal on a repossession!”

19. The Evil Dead (1981): Gory, silly and primitive, Evil Dead is not a good film, but it is a cult classic with a devout following among horror aficionados, who will hate this sentence. The story of four people in a cabin who demonstrate that things actually can go wrong when you open a doorway to hell, this film made Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi Hollywood names. “Pass me some sugar, baby!”

20. Rosemary’s Baby (1968): Four out of five Satanists think Rosemary’s baby is the Antichrist. This film made Roman Polanski famous before he made himself infamous. It also taught us that perfectly normal looking people could be Satanists. . . or Obamatologists. “He sleeps above his crib. . . three feet above his crib.”

Again, these aren’t necessarily the best movies or the scariest movies, nor are they my favorites. But they will be on the test, so know them. And if you’ve missed any, October is the perfect month to catch up on them.

So what did I miss? Or better yet, what are your favorites?

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Top 25: Guilty Pleasures

I may have overstated things slightly when I said this would be the most consequential post of all time. Yeah, probably. To celebrate our official grand opening today, we’re going to do something COMPLETELY meaningless: list my “guilty pleasure” movies. Yep, horrible, horrible movies that I just can’t resist when they come on television. The only caveat, they can't be cult classics -- so don’t expect to see Flash Gordon or Rocky Horror Picture Show. Here they are ranked in order of how close I am to quoting them from memory. . . oy:

1. Predator 2 (1990): It’s difficult to fully describe the awfulness of this film. Every moment is a cliché. Characters randomly spout lines ripped off from B-movies and take actions that make no sense. And forget continuity, the film was re-edited 20 times before they released it. Despite this, it’s still fun to watch Danny Glover hunt the Predator and vice versa. Also, because of the heavy cliché factor, it’s like watching every cop movie ever made at once. “Mike, goddamn it. This ain't your personal little war, you know.”

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999): Thomas Jane, LL Cool J, Samuel Jackson and three genetically manipulated killer sharks?! What could possibly go wrong? Well, the film feels like a quickie sequel to a better movie, how’s that for wrong? Still, I can’t not watch. There’s just something about LL Cool J explaining the theory of relativity that makes this sucker compelling. “Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this! Not ever!”

3. Conan The Destroyer/Red Sonja (1984/1985): These two might be the same film, I'm not sure, but they might as well be. Both seem like someone who had never seen Conan the Barbarian decided to make a sequel and prove they could do it on a third of the budget. The plots are little more than “stupidly hire a hero to protect someone I want to kill, send them out for a walk, and proceed to final confrontation.” The acting of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Brigitte Nielsen is not credible. And the sets were stolen from a high school play. But somehow these work as sword and sorcery flicks and the characters are likeable. “My brother's sister's cousin never said anything about bars.”

4. Immortal (Ad Vitam) (2004): I know, you’ve never heard of this one. Count yourself lucky. I saw this late one night and haven’t stopped thinking about it since. It's the first film shot entirely against a blue screen and it's nonsense. But it offers such a strange world that I keep thinking about it and wondering if there isn’t a decent movie buried in there somewhere? “The greatest power of all. The power to procreate with God.”

5. Speed Racer (2008): This film vacillates between being written by six year olds and being a fever dream, but I love the colors and effects and it’s got heart. Is it a good movie? Don’t make me laugh. But as pure escapism, it doesn’t get much better than this. “It's the only thing I know how to do and I gotta do something.”

6. Krull (1983): This film sports some talent (Liam Neeson, Freddie Jones, Francesca Annis) but does precious little with them. A weak plot (find out where the movie will end, go there and kill the bad guy with a circular boomerang), poor staging (rush to the middle of the stage and then read lines), and plastic sets make this film never quite feel real. Still, it cobbles together a pleasant little adventure film. “The man has raisins in his braincase.”

7. Beerfest (2006): Not nearly as funny as it should have been and not all that well made. Poor acting and poor sets. But the concept is worth the price of admission and the story is entertaining. Also, what can I say? I’m German. This film tugs at my ancestral roots. “It's time to scheiz or get off the crapper.”

8. Smoking Aces (2006): This film is so hip it forgets to be good. The director loses control of his timeline and forgets about some of his characters. But it’s got ATTITUDE like no other film. This film made me want to be a hitman! “He's got some clarity issues.”

9. Alien Resurrection (1997): This film may be failed parody. I'm not sure. But either way, it's pointless and stupid and nothing in it make sense. But it’s got some cool effects and some fun scenes, if you can get through the offensively obvious gimmicks and hokey dialog. Apparently, I can. “I thought you were dead?”

10. Planet Terror (2007): I’m scratching my head on this one. It was meant to be hokey and cheesy and it does that in spades, and in the process, it achieves the right level of badness to become a cult classic. Yet, I'm the only one in the cult. Still, I’ve got plenty of robes, so give this one a couple dozen chances. “That boy’s got the devil in him.”

11. The Fog (1980): Hal Holbrook. Adrien Barbeau. Janet Leigh. Jamie Lee Curtis. And a cast of spooky dead lepers who were tricked into crashing their ship upon the rocks of this small California town 100 years ago! How can this John Carpenter film go wrong? By being totally lightweight -- even the best scenes were forced into the movie by the studio. Still, this could be my personal favorite Carpenter film. It’s creepy, efficient and unique. “The celebration tonight is a travesty. We're honoring murderers.”

12. Leviathan (1989): Hey, let’s rip off Alien and The Abyss only without the production values! So why like this one? It’s copied good movies and condensed them into an easy to absorb topical. “I bet you were imploding in your pants.”

13. Poltergeist III (1988): Oh oh, somebody left the sequel machine on. P3 doesn’t include the original cast and it’s little more than a collection of things jumping at you. But it’s fast moving and it’s scary enough to entertain. “That’s not Carol Anne!”

14. Blue Thunder (1983): Malcolm McDowell chases Roy Scheider around Los Angles in helicopters. Everyone in this movie is pretty dense and the plot is paranoid and dishwater thin, but the movie works. The flying scenes are neat and Scheider is likeable. “You're supposed to be stupid, son. Don't abuse the privilege.”

15. Hackers (1995): Computer films never show what computers are really like. According to this film, hacking is like riding a skateboard through a videogame as young clubkids Angelina Jolie and pre-Trainspotting Johnny Lee Miller save the world from an evil corporate hacker. Still, it’s stylishly shot, has a cool techno soundtrack and most of the actors are up-and-comers. “Ugh. Hard copy.”

16. Bloodsport (1988): A highly-manipulative, faked martial arts tournament interrupted by moments of manipulative, unbelievable “plot” combine to trick you into thinking you’re watching a movie. Yet, somehow Bloodsport manages to be both tense and patriotic -- even with “the Belgian Waffle” in the lead. “Very good. But brick not hit back!”

17. The Core (2003): Yeah, I know. . . it’s crap. What’s your point? I like the actors. “Hang on. This isn't going to be subtle.”

18. The Quick and the Dead (1995): This film is an over-the-top collection of Western clichés, meant to look down pretentiously upon the ignorati who enjoy Westerns. Besides that, it’s one ass kicking film filled with amazing gun play, cool characters, a stunningly great cast, and a stylized American West that makes you want to buy a gun. “You see it's a gun fight. We both have guns. We aim, we fire, you die.”

19. Wing Commander (1999): Never-will-be teen actors in space acting out a film based on a videogame. But it’s an ok action/science fiction film with a believable world. “Better than sex with myself.”

20. Doom (2005): Do you smell what the Rock is cookin’? It ain’t a best actor award. But this film has uber-cool Karl Urban, the even cooler Rock, and the adorable Rosamund Pike killing monsters without end. . . or plot. “Aw, there's something behind me, isn't there?”

21. Cannonball Run (1981): Smokey and the Bandit was monumental and culturally relevant. . . this wasn’t, but heck was it fun. Who wouldn’t want to be part of this race? Come on, show of hands! “That must've been the entry of the National Safety Council.”

22. Xanadu (1980): I can’t explain it. The story is weak, the acting is worse and the visuals are horribly dated. But the soundtrack is strong and there’s something about the lightness of the film that makes it enjoyable. “Guys like me shouldn't dream anyway.”

23. Circle of Iron (1978): Bruce Lee wanted to make a movie using Zen principles. But he died and they made it anyway, with a man who lacked all of Lee’s charisma. Yet, somehow, this intellectually pretentious film works. Maybe it’s David Carradine’s triple roles? “The whole world is in commotion and you wish me peace!”

24. Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996): Fred Ward and Michael Gross?! Who could resist? Certainly not the Mexican Army, which calls them in to solve their little Graboid problem. Only these Graboids walk! “I am COMPLETELY out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.”

25. Final Destination 2 (2003): If there’s teenagers getting killed, I’ll be there. And when you cut out the middle man and death itself is doing the killing, well, that’s simply irresistible. Number 2 is the best in the series because it’s got less filler than the first and more point than 3-4. “Only new life can defeat Death.”

Anything on the list you want to claim is actually a good film? And what’s on your list?

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Top 25: Westerns You Should Know

Let’s discuss the Top 25 Westerns you should know to be well-versed in Westerns. Westerns are one of the most distinct genres with storylines that can’t easily be translated to other genres, e.g. wagon trains and cattle drives. They are also the quintessential story of America. Picking the Top 25, however, is surprisingly difficult because Westerns have been a cultural battleground where left and right struggled to define American’s Mythology. This means the influence of individual films often was short-lived and coincided with cultural changes within the country, rather than coming from the film itself.

1. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966): This may not sit well with traditional western fans, but GBU is easily the most influential Western. Part of a “Spaghetti Westerns” trilogy (including Fistful of Dollars and For A Few Dollars More), GBU forever changed the Western. Prior to GBU, Westerns were philosophically black and white, with clear good guys and bad guys, and they were about settling the West, bringing law and order, building an economy, and taming the Indians and the wilderness, i.e. the building of America. This film tossed all that aside by introducing the “anti-hero,” a good guy who acts more like a bad guy -- this remains the dominant form of protagonist in film today -- and changed the themes of Westerns toward selfishness, cynicism and the exploitation of others. This film also made Clint Eastwood a star. “Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We’re gonna have to earn it.”

2. The Covered Wagon (1923): This is the first truly epic Western and established many of the conventions of the genre -- including Indian attacks, shoot outs, fording rivers, and the hero who must clear his name. “Far out on the westward trail stands another plow that bravely started for Oregon.”

3. High Noon (1952): High Noon is fascinating and controversial. Premised on the now-classic Western theme of a sheriff (Gary Cooper) waiting for killers to come to town, High Noon was written by communist Carl Foreman, who chose to make this sheriff weak and unwilling and the townsfolk cowardly. This was Foreman’s attempt to eliminate the hero from Western mythology. Yet, as with The Guns of Navarone, Foreman ultimately fails because Cooper rises to the occasion and becomes an iconic hero as a man who answers the call of duty even when those around him try to tear him down. “In the end you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star.”

4. Rio Bravo (1959): Considered by many to be Howard Hawks’ and John Wayne’s finest Western, this was Hawks’ direct response to High Noon, which infuriated him. Hawks believed firmly in strong and self-reliant heroes, like Sheriff John Chance (John Wayne), who must fend off the brother and gang of a man he holds prisoner for six days until the marshal arrives. Hawks’ view of heroism would continue to reign in Hollywood until the The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. “Sorry don’t get it done, dude.”

5. Stagecoach (1939): By the 1930s, Westerns had fallen from favor and were seen as B-movies. John Ford’s Stagecoach saved the Western through a combination of inventive camera work which remains influential today (such as riding among the Indians), incredible stunts, the use of stunning scenery from Monument Valley, complex dialog, and its huge box office success. This film also made John Wayne, who played outlaw Johnny Ringo, a star. “I guess you can’t break out of prison and into society in the same week.”

6. Shane (1953): Shane add two of the most common conventions to the Western mix: the gun fighter who tries to put away his guns until he is forced to fight to protect those he loves and the struggle between the farmers v. cattlemen. “Shane. . . come back, Shane!”

7. Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid (1969): Starring leftists Robert Redford and Paul Newman, Butch Cassidy attempted to declare the Western dead. Not only did Butch Cassidy do things like send its heroes to New York and Bolivia, but it included a pop music soundtrack and it used cars, bicycles and electricity to signify the passing of the West into history. Moreover, while it rejected traditional heroes entirely, it also largely lampooned the anti-hero of the Spaghetti Westerns by presenting heroes who were neither heroic nor all-that competent. It would take sixteen years for the Western to recover. “The future’s all yours, you lousy bicycle.”

8. Silverado (1985): Directed by Lawrence Kasdan, Silverado was the film that revived the Western after Butch Cassidy’s attempt to kill it. By reaching back into the past for old-school, classic Western heroes, Silverado sucked the cynicism from Westerns and returned to classic pro-American themes of settling the West, bringing law and order, and heroes protecting the weak from the predatory. This film made Kevin Costner a star. “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”

9. Unforgiven (1992): When Unforgiven first came out, people saw it as an attack on the Western and a repudiation of Clint Eastwood’s Spaghetti Westerns. This was largely the result of Eastwood’s grumpy attitude, the constant dispelling of myths by Gene Hackman and the claim that all their prior triumphs were the result of being drunk. In effect, this film appeared to take a cynical look at the cynical anti-hero. But over time, this view has changed and people now see Unforgiven as a surprisingly strong Western with a solid moral compass that humanizes the anti-hero and shows they can be genuine Western heroes when they have a moral motivation. “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.”

10. The Ox-Bow Incident (1943): One of the first socially-relevant Westerns, with an anti-lynching theme, Ox-Bow involves a posse looking for a murderer. They happen upon three men, led by a Mexican (Anthony Quinn) and decide to hang them. Henry Fonda stands against the crowd, attacking both Southern racism and vigilante justice. “If people touch God anywhere, where is it except through their conscience and what is anybody’s conscience except a little piece of the conscience of all men that ever lived.”

11. The Magnificent Seven (1960): Based on Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, The Magnificent Seven is the last hurrah for the classic Western, as larger-than-life heroic gunmen defend a Mexican village. With a stellar cast, including Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn and Charles Bronson, and a massive score by Elmer Bernstein, this was the last big cynicism-free Western until the 1980s, but would soon be overtaken by the anti-heroes. “If God didn't want them sheared, he would not have made them sheep.”

12. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962): Just as Magnificent Seven was the last hurrah of the BIG Western, Liberty Valance was the last shot of traditionalist John Ford to justify the old-style heroes. Liberty Valance is the story of Jimmy Stewart, a civilized man, who is given credit for shooting outlaw Valance (Lee Marvin), even though ruffian gunman John Wayne actually did the shooting. The moral here was that men like Stewart owe their civilized, rule-of-law world to the difficult choices and hard deeds of frontiersmen like Wayne. In other words, we all owe the heroes of the past a significant debt even if we no longer accept their ways today. This was a powerful counter to the deconstructionism of the era, but ultimately proved futile as the country was changing. “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

13. How The West Was Won (1962): This epic covers all the bases of the Western genre, following a family as it moves from the East to the West, becoming trappers, pioneers, gold miners, soldiers, and gamblers and helping build America. This film presents the classic American (pre-1960s liberal) view of the settling of the American West and the virtues of America. “Out of their rude settlements, their trading posts came cities to rank among the great ones of the world. All the heritage of a people free to dream, free to act, free to mold their own destiny.”

14. Dances With Wolves (1990): Wolves is difficult to rank. It’s a dull movie that’s rife with political correctness, having been made during Hollywood’s “noble American Indian” phase, where Indians were idealized, whites were demonized and only a white liberals could save the Indians. It did have significant influence at the time, although that influence really hasn’t lasted and didn’t really impact other films. Nevertheless, you should know this film. “Turned injun, didn’t yeh.”

15. Tombstone (1993): Starring Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer, Tombstone came along just as it appeared Hollywood was trying again to remove heroes from the old West with films like Unforgiven, Dances With Wolves, and The Quick and the Dead. But Tombstone was a rowdy, old-fashioned Western that reveled in classic heroes, classic themes, and black and white versions of good and evil. And the public’s acceptance of Tombstone kept the Western alive and well. “Wearing that badge don't make you right.”

16. My Darling Clementine (1946): Staring Henry Fonda and Tim Holt, John Ford’s version of the gunfight at the O.K. Corral, Clementine became an inspiration for many Western filmmakers, including Sam Pekinpah. “When ya pull a gun, kill a man.”

17. Dodge City (1939): Errol Flynn must tame Dodge City, a notoriously violent cattle town full of ex-soldiers following the end of the Civil War. This is a classic Western of the type Hollywood made before its more political period started. “Gamblin’, drinkin’, and killin’. Mostly killin’.”

18. The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976): One of the few serious Westerns made in the 1970s, Josey Wales tapped into the stress of returning Vietnam veterans by presenting Civil War veterans who were incapable of integrating into society. “Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?”

19. High Plains Drifter (1972): Along with Josey Wales, High Plains Drifter was one of the few serious Westerns during the post-Butch Cassidy dead period. In Drifter, Clint Eastwood tries to give his Spaghetti Western past a supernatural aspect and an extra-dose of cynicism as even average citizens are portrayed as unredeemable degenerates. This perhaps went too far for Eastwood, who remade this film as Pale Rider in 1985, this time making the citizens the normal decent folk of prior Westerns. “You're a man who makes people afraid, and that's dangerous.”

20. Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948): Directed by John Huston and staring Humphrey Bogart and Tim Holt, Sierra Madre added Mexico to the film world of the West and provided an in-depth look at treasure hunters and gold fever. “Badges? We don’t need no stinking ain’t got no badges!”

21. The Searchers (1956): Ostensibly a revenge film wherein John Wayne seeks to avenge the massacre of his family by Indians, Searchers is actually an anti-segregation statement by conservative John Ford. “A fellow could mistake you for a half-breed.”

22. Blazing Saddles (1974): The only comedy on the list, Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles effectively lampoons many of the conventions of Westerns, and treads all over the politically incorrect topic of race in America. “The sheriff is a nig...”

23. The Wild Bunch (1969): An anti-Western and anti-Vietnam War statement, The Wild Bunch is a defeatist, immoral jaunt as a gang of railroad deputies led by outlaw Robert Ryan chase a gang of outlaws led by William Holden. Bloody, crude, and without any moral compass, The Wild Bunch is unlike any other Western ever made. It is also considered Sam Peckinpah’s greatest achievement. But unlike Butch Cassidy, which made Westerns “uncool,” The Wild Bunch was too violent and nasty to have significant influence in the culture. “It ain’t [your word] what counts! It's who you give it to!”

24. Quigley Down Under (1990): Tom Selleck takes Westerns to a new land. . . Australia. “You’re about a half a bubble off plumb, and that's fer sure and fer certain.”

25. The Quick and the Dead (1995): Sharon Stone, Leonardo DiCaprio and Gene Hackman star in this highly clichéd attempt to open the gunfighter subgenre to women. The film bombed in theaters, but not before inspiring a series of films attempting to open Westerns to other minority casts. The film has since found an audience on cable. “Is it possible to improve on perfection?”

Thoughts?

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Top 25 8: Holiday Films You Should Know

With Thanksgiving upon us next week and Christmas following closely, it’s time to consider holiday movies. But this isn’t as easy as it sounds. For while holidays are some of the most deeply-ingrained aspects of our culture, there seem to be a shortage of significant holiday movies. It’s not as bad as trying to find films about the American Revolution, but it’s pretty close. So let’s call this a Top 8.

What’s interesting about holiday films is how few are actually about the holidays themselves, i.e. few films retell Christmas stories or tell us tales about Pilgrims. That tends to be the domain of television, where you find the likes of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and The Charlie Brown Christmas Special or A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Instead, we seem to consider a movie a holiday film if it takes place during the holidays and it involves “the holiday spirit.”

The holiday spirit consists of a combination of deep sentimentality and some form of redemption. Even the holiday films that aren’t truly sentimental in the strictest sense always end up with a moment near the end where all sins are forgiven, the bad guys are redeemed (as is the misguided hero), the value of family relationships and friendships is extolled, and everything ends happily. Here’s the list:

1. It’s A Wonderful Life (1946): Directed by Frank Capra and staring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, Life is the story of George Bailey, who is prevented from committing suicide when his guardian angel shows him what his family, friends and community would have been like if he had never been born. While this movie flopped when it came out, it’s become the most-loved holiday film and tops almost everyone’s list. “Harry wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save Harry.”

2. A Christmas Carol (various): Charles Dickens’ classic tale A Christmas Carol has been made and remade so many times and in so many forms that it’s impossible to pick a single version as the most influential or best. Many people swear by the 1951 British version, while others prefer the 1984 George C. Scott version. Some like Bill Murray’s version in Scrooged. Even It’s A Wonderful Life contains elements of this story. My personal favorite version is The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992). In any form however, this is one of the most well-know stories on the planet, and everyone knows each of its elements. “What day is it?” “Why, it’s Christmas Day, sir.”

3. Miracle on 34th Street (1947): Miracle is the story of a department-store Santa who believes he really is Kris Kringle. When they try to institutionalize this Santa for being insane, a young lawyer defends him by arguing that he is the real Santa. In the process, this film points out that a little faith in good things makes all of our lives better. “Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to.”

4. A Christmas Story (1983): Set in small-town America in the 1950s, this tale of a young boy’s quest to get his hands on a Red Ryder BB gun swims in nostalgia and sentimentalism. This is another film that flopped in the theaters, but got a second life on television. By 2007, this film crawled to the top of several “best holiday film” lists. In fact, the film has became so popular that one cable station now airs a 24 hour Christmas Eve marathon each year, during which they run this film over and over. . . and people watch. “I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!”

5. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989): This is possibly the best of the Christmas comedies (see below), and I’ve separated it because this is the one that spawned a generation of holiday movies that took a cynical look at Christmas. Unlike prior, thoroughly-sentimental films, Vacation dug into the love/hate relationship that many people have with the event that is the family Christmas, and it waited until the end before it whipped out the usual sentimentality. “Welcome to our home - what's left of it.”

6. White Christmas (1954): The story of two army buddies who meet their former commander in Vermont amidst a series of romantic mix-ups, this light romantic comedy was based around the song of the same name and was basically a star vehicle for Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney. “There's no Christmas in the Army!”

7. The Bishop’s Wife (1947): The story of an angel (Cary Grant) who comes to Earth to help a bishop (David Niven) who has lost focus on what is important in life as he has become obsessed with building a cathedral. On Earth, Grant finds himself falling for Niven’s wife (Loretta Young). “Sometimes angels rush in where fools fear to tread.”

8. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1997): Not particularly influential, but very popular, Planes is the only Thanksgiving film on our list.Planes is the story of an advertising executive (Steve Martin) who wants to fly home for Thanksgiving, but finds himself stuck with an obnoxious salesman (John Candy) as a traveling companion. Written by John Hughes in three days, this film went on to gross $50 million and remains a television mainstay today. “Those aren't pillows!”

Christmas comedies: Finally, let’s finish off the list with a group acknowledgement for the holiday comedy. Films like Elf, Ernest Saves Christmas, Jingle All The Way, Bad Santa, Home Alone, and The Santa Clause are standard Hollywood comedies that touch upon Christmas in one way or another. There’s little to these films, and they have even less staying power, but they do tend to make money as star vehicles in the year they are made, and the ones listed here have been entertaining enough to stick around for a little. It's hard to say that any of these films is influential, but the genre itself continues to reflect the cynical side of our views of the holiday season.


There are other holiday films we could list and some that are seen as holiday films despite not having any particular holiday theme (like Babes In Toyland). But none of those films is particularly influential. In fact, even the holiday films listed here were not particularly influential, certainly not as influential as those on the other Top 25 lists. Perhaps this is because our holidays are defined elsewhere in the culture, and these films only reflect what we already know about the holidays rather than trying to make a statement about the holidays? Or, said differently, maybe we don’t need movies to tell us what Christmas and Thanksgiving mean because we already know?

So what are your favorite holiday films?

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Top 25: Horror Films You Should Know

With October beginning today, it’s time to roll out the next Top 25: horror movies! These are the top 25 horror movies you should know to be well-versed in horror. Again, these are not necessarily the best or the most scary, but they are the most significant.

Horror is one of the most consistently popular genres in film, with even middling movies guaranteed to make money. Why? Because audiences want to feel emotional responses to their entertainment, and no emotion is easier to evoke than fear. Fear comes in many flavors, everything from being startled or shocked to deep down psychological terror that makes you sleep with the lights on. Few movies reach that final level, but when they do they usually leave a mark on our culture. Let’s begin. . .

1. Night of the Living Dead (1968): The importance of Night of the Living Dead cannot be overstated. This film brought horror movies to adult audiences. Before this, horror was costumed monsters aimed at kids. This film also created the zombie craze which continues unabated today and established the conventions for that entire subgenre. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara.”

2. The Omen (1976): The Omen spawned the “Satan is coming” subgenre of horror films and gave us Damien Thorn, a figure who has entered the popular culture as a representation of pure evil. There are even indications this film influenced the American view of Satan and the Book of Revelations. And Gregory Peck playing Damien’s father made it respectable for big name stars to do horror movies. “Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast; for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666.”

3. The Exorcist (1973): The Exorcist is considered by many to be the scariest movie of all time. This film brought exorcism to the public consciousness and spawned a demonic possession craze in modern horror films. It also introduced the now-clichéd idea of pitting a demon against a priest who lost his faith, and it gave us perhaps the most iconic horror image of all time: Max von Sydow standing outside Regan’s house under the lamp. “The Power of Christ compels you!”

4. Alien (1979): Alien brought modern horror into the realm of science fiction and established the conventions of that subgenre. brought modern horror into the realm of science fiction and established the conventions of that subgenre. It also involved the first female hero and it established Ridley Scott, who really redefined science fiction. “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

5. Jaws (1975): Jaws sparked a nationwide panic over and fascination with sharks, which continues to this day. It also solidified the career of Steven Spielberg. Jaws is particularly noted for waiting to reveal the monster until late in the film, so as to build suspense, though ironically this wasn’t intentional. . . they just had a hard time making the mechanical shark work. “You're gonna need a bigger boat.”

6. Halloween (1978): Halloween introduced the slasher film, though it was tame by modern standards. Halloween also gave us Michael Myers, as a masked, speechless, killing machine, who escapes a mental hospital and returns home to kill his family and everyone else in town. Myers has become the template for modern slasher villains. “He’s coming to your little town.”

7. The Shining (1980): One of the most iconic and oft-referenced horror films of all time, The Shining is the story of Jack Torrance, who goes insane while working as the winter caretaker of a haunted hotel. This movie, more than any other, defined Jack Nicholson and made Stephen King stories a staple of horror films (though, ironically, King “hated” the film). “Here’s Johnny!”

8. The Ring (2002): This film involves a young woman haunted by an evil spirit. At a time when slasher flicks had become the norm, this film opened the door for a new subgenre by importing the Japanese vision of horror in which creepy, but non-gory images (often involving children) terrorize the heroine while she tries to solve the mystery of what created the evil spirit. A whole slew of similar, remade Japanese films followed (e.g. The Grudge, Dark Water, The Eye, etc.). “He watched the tape!”

9. The Haunting (1963): The story of a group of paranormal investigators who spend several nights in a haunted house plagued by violent spirits, this film established the haunted house subgenre and all of its conventions. This film has been remade and repeatedly copied. “You may not believe in ghosts but you cannot deny terror!”

10. 28 Days Later (2002): This movie revived the slowly dying zombie subgenre (no pun intended), by introducing fast-twitch zombies. Suddenly, zombies became a whole lot more menacing. “Repent the end is extremely f**king nigh.”

11. Resident Evil (2002): Resident Evil started the craze of turning videogames into movies, something which has continued unabated ever since. It also popularized the use of scantily-clad, young women as the butt-kicking heroes, a staple in the horror/action genre. “You're all going to die down here.”

12. Poltergeist (1982): Poltergeist introduced the country to the concept of a poltergeist, not a ghost, but a malevolent force that haunts people. This has since replaced simple hauntings in films. It also created the film conventions for ghost hunters, including the types of equipment they need and their associations with colleges, and it introduced ideas like the blinding white light after death into which we are supposed to walk. This film also highlights the 1980s craze of demonizing property developers. “They’re here.”

13. Friday the 13th (1980): The story of risen-from-the-dead, hockey-mask-wearing, chainsaw-wielding Jason Voorhees, this film added a supernatural element to the silent, killing-machine character first seen in Halloween, and gave us motiveless killers who can’t be killed no matter how many times you shoot or stab them. This movie also gave us the “our friends are dying, let’s go skinny dipping” cliché as Voorhees works his way through a pack of camp counselors. This film has spawned 12 sequels to date. “They call this place Camp Blood.”

14. Scream (1996): The story of a killer who’s watched too many horror movies and decides to live them out in real life, Scream revived the horror genre for younger audiences by setting the film around teenage actors and following like a hipper, totally like cynical, tongue-in-cheek style or whatever. “Movies don’t create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!”

15. Saw (2004): Saw is basically a snuff film with little else to recommend it. But it belongs on the list because it opened the door for modern torture porn, which all but abandons story in favor of 90 minute, sadistic bloodbaths. “He doesn't want us to cut through our chains. He wants us to cut through our feet!”

16. The Blair Witch Project (1999): Shot like a home movie, this story of three film students who vanish chasing an urban legend started (and basically ended) the “found footage” horror film subgenre. “I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!”

17. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Elm Street gave us Freddie Krueger, who could kill you in your dreams, made Johnny Depp a movie star (instead of a television star) and made Wes Craven a star director. This film is referenced in dozens of later films, inspired numerous sequels and copies, and encouraged slasher movies to step up the special effects game and the level of creativity. “Whatever you do don't fall asleep.”

18. The Amityville Horror (1979): The story of a father who goes insane upon moving into a house and repeats the murderous rampage of the prior owner, this film introduced the idea of a “true” horror story, which has become a bit of a cottage industry. “There's nothing like it on the market. Not at this price.”

19. The Evil Dead (1981): Gory, silly and primitive on all levels, Evil Dead is not a good film, but it is a cult classic with a large following and is well-known by horror aficionados. The story of four people in a cabin who open a doorway to hell, this film made Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi into Hollywood names. “Give me some sugar, baby!”

20. Rosemary’s Baby (1968): Rosemary learns that a coven of witches think her baby is the Antichrist, oh goody. This film made Roman Polanski famous before he became infamous. It also introduced the idea that perfectly normal looking people could be engaged in Satanism. Many of the conventions created by this film continue to dominate Satanism and witchcraft-based horror movies today, and some have suggested this film spawned the Satanic-cult-mania of the 1980s that destroyed the lives of many daycare workers. “He chose you, honey! From all the women in the world to be the mother of his only living son!”

21. Psycho (1960): Hitchcock’s classic tale of deranged serial killer Norman Bates who is compelled to kill his victims to gain the approval of his dead mother. Although this movie is tame by modern standards, it shocked audience at the time, and in many ways, is the first psychological slasher film. “She might have fooled me, but she didn't fool my mother.”

22. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956): A classic film about pod people taking over a small town by replacing the inhabitants, this film expressed the American fear of 1950s communism and represented the height of 1950s-style horror. It also gave us a now-standard horror trope: the friends who seem normal, but aren’t. “Love, desire, ambition, faith - without them, life's so simple, believe me.”

23. Phantasm (1979): Phantasm is the story of a supernatural and malevolent undertaker (“the Tall Man”) who uses the dead for reasons unknown. It’s also one of those cult classics you must know to be well-versed in horror films. “You play a good game boy, but the game is finished, now you die.”

24. An American Werewolf In London (1981): Famous for special effects that were ahead of its time, this very-dark comedy follows a teenage American tourist in London who gets bitten by a werewolf and tries to figure out how to stop killing people. “Kill yourself, David, before you kill others.”

25. Nosferatu (1922): This is the granddaddy of them all and literally started the entire horror movie genre. However, the film has not held up nor is it particularly influential in terms of story or style, hence it is at the end of our list. “Is this your wife? What a lovely throat.”


Again, these are not necessarily the best movies or the scariest movies. John Carpenter’s The Fog and Prince of Darkness are considerably scarier than many of them. The Japanese versions of films like The Grudge and Dark Water are better than the American versions, as is Les Diaboliques. The Ninth Gate is easily my favorite Satanism story, and I truly love Something Wicked This Way Comes. And there are many historical films I’ve left off, such as anything by Lon Chaney or Bella Lugosi. But those aren’t as well-known or as influential as the films above.

Happy October!

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Top 25: War Films You Should Know

In honor of Memorial Day, let’s talk about the Top 25 war movies you should see to be well versed in war movies. This is an interesting list because it mixes some patriotic films with some anti-war movies, and it includes movies that are fairly accurate and some that are complete fantasy.

Interestingly, there are few war films that deal with the American Revolution, the War of 1812, the Spanish American War, the Mexican American War or Korea. And those films that do touch on these topics can hardly be considered memorable or influential. You may also note that there is nothing about Iraq (for which I recommend the miniseries Generation Kill). Let us begin. . .

1. Apocalypse Now (Redux) (1979): This movie sits atop many greatest war movies lists and it deserves its place -- but make sure you see the redux. Based on Joseph Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness,” Apocalypse Now is a criticism of the Vietnam war. But it is not anti-war or anti-American, despite what many people believe (I should do an article on this point). What it is, is critical of distant commanders living in luxury as they send troops to fight wars on a part-time basis. It is a criticism of starting wars but not fighting to win. Now’s characters, all played by top-notch actors, are iconic, and you literally can’t escape its most famous quotes, from “the horror, the horror,” to “Saigon, I’m still in Saigon,” to “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

2. Platoon (1986): I don’t like starting this list with two Vietnam movies in a row, but they both deserve their places. Platoon is the movie that changed the relationship between the public and Vietnam veterans. Even though Oliver Stone intended this as an anti-military diatribe, Americans took this film as an opportunity to embrace Vietnam Veterans and to make peace with the war. It’s also an extremely well done movie that became the template for all future movies based about Vietnam. Incidentally, this is not the only film to backfire on Stone, see e.g. Wall Street which had a generation of Americans idolizing Gordon Gekko. “Somebody once wrote: ‘Hell is the impossibility of reason.’ That's what this place feels like.”

3. The Longest Day (1962): This movie is one of those shining moments. This movie features a who’s who of Hollywood leading men from the 1950s/1960s, who work their way through American’s crowning moment in World War II -- the D-Day invasion. It’s well written, well acted, well shot, and it doesn’t cheapen the Allies’ achievement by making the Germans into subhuman creatures or idiots. And all of this adds up to a movie that feels as real as a documentary, but is as entertaining as carefully crafted fiction. “The thing that's always worried me about being one of the few is the way we keep on getting fewer.”

4. Gettysburg (1993): Gettysburg the battle is the most pivotal moment in our nation’s history: a Southern victory would have meant British recognition and a permanent split. Gettysburg the film is easily the greatest Civil War movie. Filmed before CGI, the producers gathered thousands of historical recreationists to create the most realistic Civil War battle scenes you will ever see. This movie shows all of the insanity of combat tactics in that era and the hardships the troops faced. It shows you how the armies differed, and how these really were citizen armies. And unlike movies like Glory, Gettysburg has no agenda; it presents a highly nuanced discussion of the nation’s politics and it gives all sides a fair presentation. “To be a good soldier you must love the army. To be a good commander you must be able to order the death of the thing you love.”

5. The Great Escape (1963): Despite its seemingly fantastic plot, The Great Escape is an amalgam of true stories combined into one giant escape. This movie presents some of the coolest leading men of its era but, unlike other ensemble films, this one is plot driven and it makes the actors work for it, rather than the other way around. This movie also, to its credit, presents a nuanced view of the Germans, showing the historical distinction between the treatment POWs received from the Luftwaffe versus the treatment received from the SS and the Gestapo. “It is the sworn duty of all officers to try to escape.”

6. All Quiet on the Western Front (1930): Based on the most important novel about the life of average soldiers, All Quiet follows a group of German boys who happily go off to fight for German in The Great War, WWI. They quickly learn that war is not what they thought it was. This is the first major anti-war film of the “talky” era, and this book/film set up the genre conventions and themes that continue to this very day. “War isn’t the way it looks back here.”

7. The Dirty Dozen (1967): A story of twelve convicts who are given the chance to earn their freedom by taking on an impossible mission, this is more of a tough guy film than a war film, but it’s become a classic war movie. This movie also shows how America was changing from the post-WWII era to the counter-culture era, as many counter-culture elements made their way into this film. In many ways, Dirty Dozen signals the end of the patriotic war film. “Killin' generals could get to be a habit with me.”

8. Das Boot (1981): Originally a German miniseries, this movie is the only realistic movie about submarine service. This film covers all the bases of the German U-boat campaign in the North Atlantic during WWII, and it does so accurately, from showing the privileges extended to submariners (beards and the fact that they did not adopt the Hitler salute), to showing the hardships of life on board, e.g. the cramped conditions, the stench, the boredom interspersed with shear terror, and it showed the terrible dangers, e.g. submariners had a 75% casualty rate. “ALARM!!”

9. Patton (1970): Ok, I have to admit, I don’t like this film. I find it dull, simplistic and uninteresting -- kind of like The Big Red One. But millions of people love this film and it is considered George C. Scott’s finest film, so it belongs here. “Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.”

10. Bridge On The River Kwai (1957): Alec Guinness plays a British commander who, through power of personality, all but takes over the prison camp where he and his men are being made to work on a bridge for the Japanese. . . until Guinness starts to go insane. Beautifully shot by David Lean, tremendous acting and highly dramatic, this is a brilliant film, though this film really angers the veterans who were there, who point out that none of it is factual (even the river is misnamed) and that it completely ignores the horrific brutality of the Japanese. “We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.”

11. Saving Private Ryan (1998): I have serious problems with the characters in this film, who are far too cynical and far too modern to accurately represent Americans of the WWII generation. I also despise the emotional manipulation that permeates this film. But I can’t deny its place on the list. This film opened the door for more gory, realistic war movies, and would reset the template for future war movies. Still, I much prefer the far superior miniseries Band of Brothers. “James Francis Ryan of Iowa? Your brothers were killed in combat. . . all of them.”

12. Sands of Iwo Jima (1949): Sands is the story of a group of American Marines as they island hop in the Pacific. It climaxes with the invasion of Iwo Jima. This movie captures the resolved spirit of America at the time, a spirit symbolized by quiet determination and unselfish sacrifice without glory-seeking. I also see this as John Wayne’s finest performance. Interestingly, this film has recently come under fire for its portrayal of Japanese soldiers in ways that are now considered racially insulting and its use of the term “Jap.” "That’s war. . . trading real estate for men."

13. Stalag 17 (1953): Staring William Holden, this is the drama that inspired Hogan’s Heroes. This is a tremendous story about justice in a POW camp and how easily people are turned against each other when they suspect a fellow prisoner of being a German spy. “What is this anyway, a kangaroo court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right?”

14. Full Metal Jacket (1987): Jacket follows a group of recruits as they go through Marine Corp training and ultimately end up in Vietnam. To me, this film suffers from Kubrick Syndrome, i.e. I respect it much more than I like it, but its images and quotes have embedded themselves deeply in our culture. A good, but much less well known substitute that follows similar lines is The Boys In Company C. “What is your major malfunction?”

15. Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970): An ensemble piece that established the template for movies like Midway and miniseries like The Winds of War, Tora tells the story of the bombing of Pearl Harbor from both the Japanese and American sides. As a typical ensemble film, Tora suffers from having too many characters and trying to give them all equal time. It also works for its actors rather than the other way around, e.g. each actor gets to play smarter, wiser and more noble than the people they are portraying really were. “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.”

16. Sergeant York (1941): This film is a biography about America’s biggest World War I hero, Sergeant Alvin York, whose life parallels American thinking at the time of WWI. York, a pacifist, wanted nothing to do with the wider world, but when he found himself drafted, he did his duty and he did it with modesty and American practicality. York became a true American hero, and Gary Cooper plays him perfectly. “Folks back home used to say I could shoot a rifle before I was weaned, but they was exaggeratin' some.”

17. Zulu (1964): Filmed as a protest against imperialism, Zulu is the best film about colonial armies. The story involves the Zulus who have massacred a British column and are now headed toward populated areas in South Africa. Standing in their way was a small British detachment at Rorke’s Drift. Combining incredible cinematography, with a true story, a fair presentation of both sides, and filmed with the participation of actual Zulu warriors (and their king), this is a compelling film. It was also Michael Caine’s first major role. “If 1,200 men couldn't hold a defensive position this morning, what chance have we with 100?”

18. Black Hawk Down (2001): A true story of when a small group of American special forces soldiers found themselves surrounded by thousands of Somali gunmen, this film is the modern American version of Zulu. We also know now that many of these gunmen were trained and equipped by Al Qaeda, making this the first battle of the modern war on terror. “Nobody gets left behind.”

19. Kelly’s Heroes (1970): One of the few “capers” films to use World War II as a setting, this is a truly entertaining film about Clint Eastwood and his merry band of malcontents who decide to skip on ahead of the American army so they can steal a vault full of gold bars. “Then make a DEAL! . . . maybe the guy’s a Republican. Business is business, right?”

20. The Dawn Patrol (1938): This is the first film to my knowledge which dealt with the loneliness of command. Staring Errol Flynn and David Niven, Flynn finds himself going from carefree WWI fighter pilot to commander of a squadron and soon needs to send his friends to their deaths. “You know what this place is? It's a slaughterhouse, and I'm the butcher!”

21. The Guns of Navarone (1961): This was written as an anti-war movie by a writer with communist sympathies during the cold war. But, as so often happens, it actually makes a very different statement. Indeed, the main theme to the movie ultimately comes across as “it’s time to take a stand and stop sitting on the sidelines,” which is actually a rather pro-war statement. “You think you've been getting away with it all this time, standing by. Well, son, your bystanding days are over! You're in it now, up to your neck.”

22. Where Eagles Dare (1968): More a spy film set in WWII than a war film, Eagles is nevertheless an excellent movie about the less conventional aspects of WWII. Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood are sent on a mission to expose traitors in British Intelligence. “Broadsword calling Danny Boy.”

23. The Green Berets (1968): The only pro-Vietnam War film made, this John Wayne film follows a small detachment of Green Beret soldiers as they train South Vietnamese soldiers. The movie does a good job of laying out why we were fighting, but the film is overly simplistic and lacks realism. Still, it’s worth seeing. “That's newspapers for you, ma'am. You could fill volumes with what you don't read in them.”

24. A Bridge Too Far (1977): Bridge is the true story of an overly-ambitious paratroop attack that went wrong. This film suffers from being an ensemble film with too many characters, each being too over-the-top heroic, and it is difficult to accept anti-war types like Robert Redford playing heroic American soldiers. But the film is entertaining and it is well known. “We haven't the proper facilities to take you all prisoner! Sorry!”

25. They Were Expendable (1945): This John Wayne/John Ford film is about the PT boats that defended the Philippines after Pearl Harbor, and how the Navy came to respect their value, particularly as they became essential in evacuating senior personnel from the advancing Japanese.


There are, of course, others that did not make the list for various reasons. I did not include Schindler’s List because it’s not really a war movie. I didn’t include Paths of Glory and Cross of Iron, two excellent films, because they simply aren’t that well known. If I could add one film that everyone should see, it would be a Finish movie: Talvisota (The Winter War) (1989). This is the story of the Soviet invasion of Finland in 1939 told from the Finish perspective. It is an excellent film.

Anything you would add? Anything you would remove?

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Top 25: Romance Films You Should Know

Let’s talk about the top 25 romantic films you should know. Why? Because it’s Valentine’s Day and Commentarama loves you! What makes a film romantic? A romantic film pulls at your heartstrings. It gives you the warm fuzzies or the “Spock can’t die?” weepies. But most importantly, it’s about love, baby, love.

Romances began in ancient Greece as comedies, i.e. not-dramas. But it wasn’t until western Europe’s medieval period that romances came into their own. Not coincidentally, many of the conventions that we ascribe to romances today were created at that time. For example this period gave us the white knight stories and the noble sacrifice. The Shakespearean era added romantic mix ups and the star-crossed lovers. And the Jane Austen era finished us off with the cross-class romance, the couple who are already pledged to others, and the ugly ducking. With those final pieces, romances had everything they needed, and they’ve developed little since.

1. Gone With The Wind (1939): I don’t want to die, so I’m giving the mob what it wants. Yet. . . there are legitimate reasons this film belongs at the top of the list. With a stellar cast, an interesting story, and one of the most memorable lines in film, this film, one of the all time highest grossing films, continues to transcend generations. But even more importantly, this is the only film on the entire list that doesn’t fit into the conventions discussed above, and that makes it truly special. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

2. Casablanca (1942): Boy meets girl, Nazis invade Paris, boy loses girl, boy meets girl again, girl is married to unappealing jerk, boy and girl make sacrifice for greater cause, boy keeps Nazis as parting gift. Described by many as Hollywood’s finest moment, this is THE movie for anyone who’s ever been dumped without a lot of explanation. It also contains the most famous line never said: “Play it again, Sam.” “We’ll always have Paris.”

3. Pride and Prejudice (1995): Ok, I’m cheating because this was a miniseries, but rules were meant to be bent, and this miniseries brings Jane Austen’s classic novel to life better than any other version or remake. Pride is the classic struggle of two people who fall for each other despite initially disliking each other, and then can’t ever seem to get together because neither can express themselves -- though they are quite good at arranging the lives of others. Pride is one of the most copied works, as seen again in movies like Clueless, The Sound of Music and many others. “In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

4. An Affair To Remember (1957): Ranked as the most romantic film of all time by the American Film Institute, this Spock-weepy classic staring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr presents a true star-crossed lovers tale. Two strangers fall in love, despite being engaged to others, and promise to meet in six months to start anew. But things go wrong, as one suffers an injury, and fear of rejection threatens to keep them apart. “There must be something between us, even if it's only an ocean.”

5. Beauty and the Beast (1991): Am I kidding? A cartoon? Nope, not kidding. Show me a little girl. . . or a big girl for that matter, who doesn’t know this movie by heart? Beauty and the Beast is the classic princess fairy tale, mixed with a little Pride and Prejudice, a heaping dose of unrequited love and lovers' misinterpretations, and it plays on the idea that the right woman can turn a frog into a prince. “She’ll never see me as anything but a monster. It’s hopeless.”

6. Pretty Woman (1990): Pretty Woman is the most recent version of Pygmalion, later to become My Fair Lady. My Fair Lady, which I vastly prefer, could easily have taken this spot, but I chose Pretty Woman because of its more recent vintage and because it wasn’t a musical. This story embodies the modern version of the white knight tale, with Richard “Gerbil” Gere, the heartless corporate raider, rescuing Julia Roberts, the hooker with the heart of gold. This movie made Roberts into America’s Sweetheart, gak. “I want the fairy tale.”

7. Four Weddings And A Funeral (1994): The highest grossing British film up to that point, and the film that made Hugh Grant into an international star, this film follows Hugh Grant, who falls for Andie MacDowell after a one night stand. They keep running into each other thereafter at weddings and a funeral, each time with one of them engaged to another, until they finally put it all together. “The castle beckons.”

8. Ghost (1990): Ghost is the classic story of the separated lovers, with an interesting twist -- they are separated by Patrick Swayze’s death. Moreover, Swayze must work to protect his wife from his own killer. Add in the fact that he’s unable to tell his wife that he loved her until after his death, and this turns into one of the most memorable romance movies. This movie even makes Whoopie Goldberg likeable. Will miracles never cease? “Ditto.”

9. Titanic (1997): I found this cliché-riddled movie ridiculous, but it is known the world over. The highest grossing film of all time until Avatar, this film made Leonardo DiCaprio a star outside gay circles and it showed that nothing is more romantic than dying in a disaster after a gun fight. “I’m the king of the world.”

10. Dirty Dancing (1987): Here is one of the travesties of these kinds of lists. This is an ugly duckling story similar to Strictly Ballroom, but Strictly Ballroom is far superior on so many levels -- from the believability of the romantic interests, to the more sensual dancing, to the more intelligent humor. Yet, Dirty Dancing is on the list, and Strictly Ballroom is not, because it is more known. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

11. Princess Bride (1987): How can a movie that pokes fun at romantic movies be in the top eleven? Because it manages to create one of the sweeter romantic movies of modern times. Everyone knows this movie, and even kids are ok with the kissy parts. “As you wish.”

12. Say Anything (1989): Lane Meyer, er. . . Lloyd Dobler is the classic underachiever. He wants to date Diane, who is going places, like England. Soon they fall in love. But her father does not approve. Will Lloyd have what it takes to win the girl? We do know one thing, he’s got a boom box and a Peter Gabriel cassette, and he knows how to use them to up the ante for teenage stalkers everywhere! “What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter.”

13. When Harry Met Sally (1989): Ok, full disclosure -- I hate this one. I’ve never see two less appealing people. . . they should have been hit by a train. Harry Sally follows two shallow, self-centered jerks over a twelve year period, and it introduces concepts like “the high maintenance girlfriend” and the “transitional person.” Oh goody. “Can men and women ever just be friends?”

14. The Philadelphia Story (1940): This one is listed at No. 5 on the AFI’s list of romantic movies, though I see it more as comedic than romantic. Still, this sharp-witted comedy provides plenty of romantic sparks as socialite Katherine Hepburn’s wedding plans are complicated by the arrival of Cary Grant, her ex-husband. At a time when the Hayes Code blocked any mention of extramarital affairs, Story was considered one of the best comedies about “remarriage” -- the 1930s/1940s substitute for affairs.

15. While You Were Sleeping (1995): Along with Speed, Sleeping launched Sandra Bullock’s career, and didn’t do too badly for Bill Pullman either. Sleeping is a mistaken identity story involving the perfect girl who is mistaken for the fiancé of a man in a coma. She meets coma-boy’s family and falls for his brother, Bill Pullman. But when coma-boy wakes up, the jig is up. Disgraced, Bullock goes back to her sad, sad life. Will love conquer all? “I want you. . . not to be unhappy.”

16. Shakespeare in Love (1998): This clever comedy deals with the forbidden love of William Shakespeare (Joseph Fiennes) and Viola de Lesseps (Gwyneth Paltrow). With an amazing cast that includes Geoffrey Rush and Judi Dench, this movie delivers both a hilarious take on Shakespeare and a parody of many of his works, and a touching star-crossed lovers story. This is perhaps the one movie that best encapsulates the entire Shakespearean era version of romance. And any move that makes cold-fish Gwyneth Paltrow seem human deserves to be on the list. “I love you, Will, beyond poetry.”

17. You’ve Got Mail (1998): A famous instance of product placement, AOL was a remake of 1940’s The Shop Around the Corner, where two letter-writing lovers don’t realize that their sweetheart penpals happen to be the co-workers they can’t stand. AOL updates this concept for the internet age. Starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan as competing book store managers, this film also was heavily influenced by Pride and Prejudice. “You’ve got mail.”

18. Sleepless in Seattle (1993): Before they managed competing book stores, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan remade An Affair to Remember without the complexity. . . forget the disability, eliminate Hanks’ wife with extreme prejudice, and cue the compliant, cute kid to reflect the single-parent environment of the 1990s (and to give the easy seal of approval to Ryan). “Destiny is something we've invented because we can't stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.”

19. Notting Hill (1999): Hill is a serviceable romance except for the twenty-minute smirkoff near the end, which significantly raised my tolerance for violence. Hill brings together smirking heavy-weights Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts under the guidance of the same writer as Four Weddings, to give us the highest grossing British film since Four Weddings. This tale of two people who don’t fit in each other’s lives but decide they can’t live apart revived the sagging careers of both smirkers, and showed that formulaic pabulum continues to sell. “Look at me, I’m smirking.”

20. Officer and Gentleman (1982): There were a series of romantic films that were huge about 20 years ago, but which seem to be slowly fading. This includes The French Lieutenant’s Woman and Love Story, but the best of this group appears to be An Officer and a Gentleman. Richard Gere woos Debra Winger as he goes through aviation officer candidate school. This one ends in the iconic scene where Gere walks through a factory to find Winger as the UAW applauds. “I got nowhere else to go!”

21. My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997): In this tale of unrequited love, Smirker Roberts and her college buddy Dermot Mulroney agree that they will marry if neither is married by the time they turn 28. But at 27, Mulroney tells Roberts he wants to marry Cameron Diaz. . . for some reason. This of course convinces Roberts that she really loves Mulroney. Thus, she must pretend to be the dutiful maid of honor while secretly trying to sabotage the wedding. “This is my one chance at happiness. I have to be ruthless!”

22. The English Patient (1996): How can a movie with the talented Ralph Fiennes, the beautiful Juliette Binoche, Mr. Pride Colin Firth, and two Jesuses -- Willem Dafoe and Jurgen Prochnow -- go wrong? I don’t know, but this one bored me to tears. . . not Spock-tears, but tears none-the-less. Maybe you liked it better than I did, many people apparently did. Enough in fact, that it makes our countdown. “Why are you so determined to keep me alive?”

23. Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001): Yet another Pride and Prejudice adaptation, this one centers around a woman who works in the publishing industry, where she fantasizes about her boss until she meets a lawyer she can’t stand (Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. . . again). He thinks she’s a fool. So naturally, they need to fall in love. This film is mostly famous for capturing the angst of single-women in the 1990s. Avoid this one if you have a Y chromosome. “Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mom... Hi.”

24. City of Angels (1998): Angels is a remake of Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire, in which Nicolas Cage gives up being an angel so he can be with the ill-fated Meg Ryan, a surgeon who is anguished by her inability to save one of her patients. “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.”

25. Breakfast at Tiffanies (1961): Breakfast gives us Audrey Hepburn’s most memorable role as she plays the naive, eccentric gold digger Holly Golightly, who seems afraid to fall in love. “Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself.”


Again, these are not necessarily the best romantic movies, but these are the ones you should know to be conversant in our culture. If you want a couple of great ones that aren’t on the list, try the Korean My Sassy Girl, which I’ll review at some point. Or, surprisingly, try Jet Li’s Hero, a martial arts film centered around a very strong love story. Or how about WALL-E, a touching romance between two robots? I’ve been told Until the End of the World is pretty good too.

Thoughts?

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