Thursday, June 20, 2013

Questionable Bond No. 9

A bad villain is like a box of sugar-free chocolates, which sends you the can. And the James Bond series has had some bad villains.

Question: "Name the five worst Bond villains."

Andrew's Answer: Uh... yeah.

1. Gustav Graves - Die Another Day
2. Georgi Koskov & Brad Whitaker - The Living Daylights
3. Elektra King & Renard – The World Is Not Enough
4. Max Zorin - A View to a Kill
5. Hugo Drax - Moonraker

These villains are a collection of stupid, small-minded plans combined with heavy doses of ridiculousness. Fools and lunatics. None of them was worth Bond's attention.

Scott's Answer: In no particular order...

1. Blofeld - Diamonds are Forever (hammy Charles Gray isn't nearly as good - or bald - as Telly Savalas and Donald Pleasence)
2. Elliot Carver - Tomorrow Never Dies (Jonathan Pryce is an excellent actor but is weighed down by a ridiculous plot)
3. (tie) Karl Stromberg and Hugo Drax - The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker (two sides of the same coin and pretty forgettable)
4. Max Zorin - A View to a Kill (only memorable because of Walken)
5. Gustav Graves - Die Another Day (whatever...)


Tennessee Jed said...

maybe this is a good thing, but I seem to have blotted all the crappy ones from memory, and savored the good ones :)

tryanmax said...

I think you've pretty much nailed all the horrible ones. Except for that butch chick from A View to a Kill. Nightmares!

K said...

Since you've taken all the good ones, I'll go with my personal dislike, Telly Savalas (IHMSS). Now ordinarily, I love Telly when he's playing to type as the rough and tumble tough guy from the inner city. As a James Bond super villain? Uh, nooooooooo.

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, Excellent philosophy! :)

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Nothing about that film is good.

AndrewPrice said...

K, I agree. I keep waiting for him to say, "Who loves ya, baby!"

Anonymous said...

Worst Bond villains. Hmm...

1. Hugo Drax. Seriously, after my comments on 'Moonraker,' who else could I possibly choose?* And how on earth was this guy supposed to be based on ODESSA founder Otto Skorzeny? I honestly don't see the resemblance. This guy seems too French to be based on a dangerous Nazi special forces agent.

2. Karl Stromberg. I was going to say What's-His-Name from 'The Spy Who Loved Me' because I forgot his name and honestly didn't care enough to look him up. Thanks for the help, Scott!

3. Max Zorin. So this is what Christopher Walken was doing while he had that uncomfortable hunk of metal stuck up his...

4. Elliot Carver. Great and timely ideas for a late-90's Bond movie. But as Scott put it, bad script that does in the fine Jonathan Pryce. Sadly, this was the height of Pierce Brosnan's career as Bond. For the audience, it was Tuesday.



Anonymous said...

5. Wayne Newton in 'License to Kill.' What? Joey Bishop wasn't available?

Special Mention: Eegah, a.k.a. Jaws. Yeah, he's more of a henchman, but he was in (ruined?) two movies. Perfect example of how quirks alone don't necessarily make a good villain. Seriously, metal teeth was right up there with throwing a shoe.

*- Andrew, speaking of 'Moonraker' sidekick Science- along with our shadowy third man, Logic- are wondering when a certain Connery film dealing with rockets is going to show up on the cattle call. In addition to the standard tech complaints, we have one or two criticisms ready that I guarantee you will NOT see coming, but I'm sure you will enjoy.


AndrewPrice said...

Rustbelt and Science (and logic), That film is coming up very soon.

Excellent list. I have the same complaint about Eegah/Jaws. He's more of a joke than a legitimate villain.

Backthrow said...

In no particular order:

1.) Charles Gray as Ernst Stavros Blofeld - DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER...

I like Charles Gray; he's great at playing variations of a certain type of upper-class Brit. He can play intelligently cold and sinister *very* well, when the script and filmmakers play to his strengths, and could quite capably play a formidable Bond villain... but not here. Here, he's asked to camp it up and be a prissy ham. Also, he's a lousy choice for Blofeld, both by being 'veddy British' and sporting a rather decent head of hair!

2.) Christopher Walken as Max Zorin, A VIEW TO A KILL...

A terrible villain in a terrible Bond film. Some people actually like Zorin, just by dint of the fact that it's Walken going crazy on the screen, but as great an actor as he can sometimes be, he doesn't really fit in the world of 007 to me... not like this, anyway.

3.) Michael Lonsdale as Hugo Drax - MOONRAKER...

As has been said before, good actor, but totally dull and bored-looking here, apart from a couple of droll lines.

4.) Joe Don Baker as Bradley Whittaker, THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS...

The main weasel-villain played by Jeroen Krabbe (now *there's* a good, unused Bond villain name!) was *okay*, I guess, as the baddie through most of the film... not particularly great or memorable, but I don't recall him bringing the film down... Baker's Whittaker, however, seemed tacked-on, and was pretty weak and limp (and perfunctorily acted), to boot. He's more like the villain you'd find in a lesser episode of THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. or THE WILD WILD WEST, than in the climax of a big 007 movie. His end was as lame as his part.

5.) Rick Yune/Toby Stephens as Yao/Gustav Graves - DIE ANOTHER DAY...

I... just... didn't... care.

AndrewPrice said...

Backthrow, I concur, especially on the "I just didn't care."

It sounds like we're starting to see a pattern!

K said...

I like Charles Gray

Everytime I see him in Diamonds I keep thinking they cast him as a William F. Buckley doppelganger.

AndrewPrice said...

K, LOL! I've had that thought too!

Dave Olson said...

In no particular order:

1) Christopher Lee as Scaramanga, "Man with the Golden Gun". Sorry, but three nipples does not a ruthless villain make.

2) Johnathan Pryce as Ersatz Bill Gates, "Tomorrow Never Dies". What happened in this one? I have a vague recollection of a stealth boat and one of the Lois Lanes.

3) Christopher Walken as Max Zorin, "A View to a Kill". We all know how good he is, with or without the cowbell. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) He was incredibly menacing in "True Romance" but here, he's just a clown.

4) Toby Stevens as Gustav Graves, "Die Another Day". It's not that he's particularly bad, but the movie really goes down the loo when he parachutes into London. Invisible cars, ice palaces, and Halle Berry doesn't show up in a bikini any more. So he's guilty by association.

5) There's a real logjam for the final spot; their villainy is so mediocre. Hugo Drax, Charles Gray's Blofeld, and what's-his-name from Quantum of Solace just to name a few more. If you can't remember a Bond Baddie or even what his Evil Plot was, he wasn't worthy of Double O Seven's attention.

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