by ScottDS
Corey Haim and Corey Feldman – a.k.a. The Coreys – were, for better or worse, an 80s pop culture juggernaut. They appeared in several films together, most famously 1987’s
The Lost Boys, but it’s 1988’s
License to Drive from which I will remember them most fondly. The story of a teenager who tries to get his license in order to attain independence and impress a hot girl is a childhood favorite of mine. It’s fun, it’s rebellious, it’s even a little scary at times. . . and I continue to enjoy every second of it.
Les Anderson (Haim) is 16 years old. He has a twin sister (Nina Siemaszko), a younger brother, and two loving parents (Richard Masur and Carol Kane). He has a crush on Mercedes (a young Heather Graham) and can’t wait to get his license so he’ll be able to take her out for a night on the town. Unfortunately, he fails both his exam and his driver’s test but do you think he lets that stop him? Nope. He steals his grandfather’s Cadillac (which is being kept at the house) and with Mercedes, and later his friends Dean (Feldman) and Charles (Michael Manasseri), takes part in a wild comedy of errors, as only a teenager could do in 1980s America.
I’ve loved this movie ever since I first saw it on television as a kid. There are so many little touches that can be appreciated. For starters, Les and his younger brother actually get along – usually younger siblings in movies like this are annoying brats but not here. Masur is, in my opinion, one of the all-time great movie dads. He’s supportive of his son but strict when the situation calls for it. He doesn’t try to act “cool” nor does he needlessly embarrass his son. He’s also not oblivious, which is one of my pet peeves when it comes to movie/TV parents. Kane is probably remembered for playing Les’ mom thanks to a dinner scene where she scoops a comically-oversized portion of mashed potatoes onto her plate and douses it with ketchup (she’s pregnant, hence the weird diet). Siemaszko plays Les’ twin sister Natalie: an intellectual who’s dating a Communist (Karl, naturally, played by Grant Heslov). This is played for laughs and we see the inevitable results of their relationship when she finds herself participating in a protest which quickly escalates into a riot.
When I mention the film is a little scary at times, I don’t mean in a traditional sense. I would watch it as a 10-year old and think to myself, “Oh, man. I’m gonna have to take a driver’s test one day!” The test sequence is a highlight of the film. Stage actress Helen Hanft plays the instructor – the aptly-named Ms. Hellberg – with an evil grin and garish make-up (the wide angle lens helps, too). We see Les at his computer terminal where he gets nearly every question wrong. Thankfully, he’s off the hook due to a sudden power surge that erases his grade. He’s allowed to take the driving test where his instructor is played with maniacal glee by James Avery (best known as Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince). Avery’s unnamed character doesn’t use a clipboard or a checklist – he uses a cup of coffee, filled to the brim. If any coffee spills on him, Les fails. Thankfully, Les manages to make it back to the parking lot without scalding his instructor. Unfortunately, in the time he’s been gone, his grades have been retrieved and his license is torn up.
So what’s Les to do? He has a date with Mercedes, who only decided to go out with him in order to make her (much older) Eurotrash boyfriend jealous. He gives her a call and she asks him to pick her up later that night. From this point on, the film becomes a classic comedy of errors and we’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Les manages to sneak the Cadillac out of the garage, where it plows through some bushes. He picks up Mercedes, who spots her boyfriend at a club with another woman. The Cadillac is towed away and Les gives the tow-truck driver all his money in order to release the car. Broke and embarrassed, he takes a sympathetic Mercedes to a hill overlooking the city, where she gets drunk, and insists they dance on the hood of the car. Les had brought along a mix tape (remember those?!) but the tape player eats it up so he uses one of his grandfather’s Sinatra tapes to great effect. (This film may have been my first exposure to The Chairman of the Board.) Mercedes prematurely ends their make-out session when she passes out, a condition in which she’ll remain for most of the film.
Les takes the car back to Dean’s house where he fixes up the hood (by bashing the underside of it with a hammer). Charles takes a photo of Les and his new “license” (his school ID) and Dean wants Les to take them to a drive-in burger joint called Archie’s. They have an unfortunate run-in with some tough guys (straight out of every other 80s teen flick) and make a break for it. They put Mercedes in the trunk and end up driving though the aforementioned riot where Les’ sister recognizes him. Eventually, they’re pulled over at a DUI checkpoint where Les is forced to admit he doesn’t have a license. In a wonderful use of deux ex machina, the cops are called away to the riot and all seems well, until a stumbling drunk who had been pulled over takes the Cadillac, mistaking it for his own car. The three guys (with Mercedes), in turn, steal the drunk’s car. They eventually catch up with him and Les crawls out one window and through the other and manages to hit the breaks just before the road ends.
I doubt the scenes with the drunk would make it into a film today. Political correctness has robbed audiences of that familiar character archetype: “the lovable drunk.” The man drinks while driving, even cutting up lime wedges on the dashboard, all while the Sinatra tape plays “That’s Life.” What redeems this whole sequence is Dean, who throws the man’s keys away because, after all, “friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Eventually, the sun comes up and Les drops off Charles and Dean. He carries Mercedes to her door. She thanks him for a nice night and apologizes for being drunk. She can barely remember anything that happened; only that it was like a bizarre dream. Les promises to tell her how it ends, if he survives.
Throughout the night, the film cuts to Les’ parents. Les’ mom is approaching her due date and without the Cadillac, they have no way to get to the hospital. (A friend of mine ruined this for me when he asked, “Why couldn’t they just call 911?”) At one point, Les’ dad goes to the garage but Les had taken out the light bulb and Dad is called away before he can finally see that the car is missing. Les returns the car in the morning and, in one of my favorite movie monologues, Dad just whales on him: “We had a college fund set aside for you! That’s gone now! You had free room and board, two trusting parents, and a social life. All gone! You had a TV, a stereo, a baseball, a tennis racket, a skateboard, a bicycle – all gone! You even had sunlight and a window in your room!”
Mom goes into labor and wants Dad to ride in the back with her. Begrudgingly, Dad tells Les to drive them to the hospital. The gear shift gets stuck in reverse so Les is forced to drive backwards. He even has a run-in with his driving instructor who can’t believe what he sees and spills his coffee. They make it to the hospital and Dad tells Les he’s proud of him and that they can get the car fixed, until a nearby construction crane malfunctions and drops an I-beam on it! Fade to black and pick up a couple weeks later: Les’ mom has given birth to twins and Grandpa shows up. He sees the remains of the Cadillac and laughs. A tow truck shows up with the remains of Dad’s BMW: “I had a little trouble with your car, too!” Dad gives Les his keys: “You always said you wanted a BMW.” Les, of course, prefers a Mercedes, who drives up at that moment. Les gets behind the wheel and they drive off into the sunset.
While the film is not meant to be taken too seriously, we still sympathize with the characters. Yes, some of the events are over the top but everyone is relatable and we can all remember our first driving experience and our first high school crush. While recounting all of the ways Les’ big night is screwed up, I kept saying “Naturally,” to myself. The script isn’t exactly high art but it’s a good example of setting up a basic plot and exploiting the hell out of it. Also, unlike many 80s films, it isn’t too dated. Sure, some of the clothes and hairstyles may elicit a reaction but I believe any teenager could watch the film today and feel right at home. This is also one 80s film where computers and cell phones aren’t missed – at no point are the characters desperate to call someone or look up information!
As an aside, the Commie boyfriend Karl hates cars, believing them to be tools of Capitalist oppression. Dean, on the other hand, gives Les a speech about the importance of a license and the freedom it represents (underscored with “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”). I must admit, even though I’m a bit of a public transit geek – I find the NYC subway system fascinating – when I was living up north, I sometimes longed for a car. “Who would’ve thought a Mercedes could fit in the trunk of a Cadillac?”
Rest in peace, Corey Haim.
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