Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Questionable Star Wars vol. 2

You know what Vader needed? A catch phrase... "I'm going to get all Forcey on your ass!" Yep, that would have made the whole six-ilogy more interesting. Don't you agree? No?! I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Question: "What was the best/worst line of dialog in the Star Wars series?"

Andrew's Answer: Wow! There are so many good lines! But for the original series, I'm going with the one that I think captures the spirit of the original films (which gets lost when it turns out the Force is nothing more than Type III Diabetes): "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." Awesome! You can hear the music too, can't you?

Try as I might, I just can't think of a good and memorable quote from the newer films, but I can certainly come up with about 150 worst quotes. But let's be honest, the worst of the worst by far is pretty much every... single... syllable... spoken by Jar-Jar Binks, like "Ye gods, whatta meesa sayin'?" Don't know, don't care, Mr. Binks. Actually, now that I think about it, the best quote from the crap films was when "Kungfoo Fighting" breaks out as soon as cartoon Yoda whips out his lightsaber and attacks Count Dookey.

Scott's Answer: For the original trilogy, I honestly can't think of a bad line. However, if we can count subsequent revisions, then Vader's "NOOO!" that Lucas added to the end of Return of the Jedi certainly fits the bill. For best line, there are so many to choose from but I think I'll stick with a classic: "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

And now the prequels. Best line? I'd say most of Liam Neeson's dialogue in The Phantom Menace. Why? Because it's Liam Neeson and he can sell anything. Worst line is (too) easy: 98% of Hayden Christensen's dialogue in the subsequent two films. I hate to jump on that bandwagon but it's all there on the screen. His lovey-dovey dialogue with Natalie Portman... "You are in my very soul..." and "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth." Yikes!!

75 comments:

Anthony said...

Best line: I am your father!

Worst line: Excluding the dialogue of the last three films, even as a kid I thought Obiwan's explanation to Luke about why he lied about the fate of his father didn't make much sense. Perhaps the relationship was created just in the second movie to make things more interesting?

*Shrugs* Or maybe I am overestimating the writing of the Star Wars team. In the same movie which revealed the family ties, they also had Leia passionately kiss Luke before the reveal...

PDBronco said...

Best (or at least most accurate) line: "Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower..."

...oh wait, wrong movie!

shawn said...

Best line original trilogy- "May the Force be with you, always."

Runner-up. "Apology accepted, Captain Needa."

Worst- have to agree with Scott, it would be Anakin's painful love talk. (Shudder)

tryanmax said...

Vader could have used a tagline. If I were to nominate something he actually said, I'd go with what he said to Luke at the end of their lightsaber battle in Empire, "Don't make me destroy you." And here's why!

I also really like that line that pisses Vader off early on, the one about ancient superstitions and clairvoyance. Everyone here knows what I'm talking about.

I'm gonna skip the worst line question b/c blogger won't let me transcribe the entirety of the prequel trilogy. Instead, I'll just point out that "I have a bad feeling about this" is the most overused line in all six films.

Jason said...

"Apology accepted, Captain Needa." Vader says, just after Needa keels over due to a Force-choke. One of my favorites from Vader.

I don't know if this is a worst line, but it's certainly one of the weirdest. In Ep II, after Anakin confesses to killing a bunch of Sandpeople, Padme says, "To be angry is to be human." Um...okay...wouldn't a more horrified reaction be appropriate? I would think the news that your beau has killed a bunch of people would lead to one running out the door in terror.

Mountain Man said...

Best line: "I find your lack of faith... dissssssturrrbing..."

Worst line: anything in the prequels. One of my favorites:

1)OBI-WAN: "Wait... wait... I can't see a thing! My cockpit's fogging. They're all over me, Anakin." ANAKIN: "Move to the right." (What? He can't see but he's supposed to move right? How far? Why can't Anakin move left?

ScottDS said...

Anthony -

I think that just proves Lucas did NOT have it all worked out in his head before the first film so they had to make changes on the fly.

ScottDS said...

PDBronco -

Wrong movie, but still funny! I'm a fan of "We ain't found s---!!" myself. :-)

ScottDS said...

shawn -

Great runner-up line... a great moment in a movie full of great little moments.

ScottDS said...

tryanmax -

That's a good line, though I'm at work and can't watch the video right now.

I have no problem with "I have a bad feeling about this"... it's just one of those inevitable in-jokes and I'm sure we'll see it in the new films, too.

ScottDS said...

Jason -

Re: the prequels, I swear Lucas took his first draft scripts and filmed those instead of actually revising them!

ScottDS said...

Mountain Men -

Good call. This applies to all the other comments, too, but going into this question, I knew the prequels would get piled on (and with good reason).

Now that I think of it, during the speeder chase in Attack of the Clones, Obi-wan has a line... something like, "He went completely the other way." Does that line make sense? :-)

T-Rav said...

If there is a bad line from the original trilogy, it would probably be some of Han Solo's remarks from ROTJ. Like the lamely uttered "It'll work....it'll work," when they're trying to get clearance to land on Endor. Nothing real bad, just not up to snuff with the previous two, and proof of why some people say Han got wussified in that movie.

As far as the prequels go, um....all of them?

T-Rav said...

Best line, meanwhile: I do kinda like Amidala's line near the end of Phantom Menace, when she and her troops confront Nute Gunray and she says, "Now, viceroy, we will negotiate a new treaty." On the awesome scale, I give it a 6...maybe.

For the original trilogy--I don't know, I think you have to agree that the "Apology accepted, Captain Needa" line was fairly epic. I also like the Emperor's threat in ROTJ: "And now, young Skywalker, you will pay the price for your lack of vision!"

Individualist said...

The Best and only good lines from the Prequels was...

"You don't want to sell me Death Sticks"

"I don't want to sell you Death Sticks"

"As a matter of fact you want to go home and rethink your life choices"

I am going home to rethink my life choices"

The Worst Line... trying to requote George Bush and make Star Wars "all about Iraq"

The Real movies since like the second Highlander film the Prequels do not exist...

Skywalker: "I can't beleive it"

Yoda: "that is why you fail"

Individualist said...

The Emperor's Best line....

"oh I am quite certain we are safe from Your Freinds ... Here"

Kit said...

"Great kid! Don't get cocky!"

"Mos Eisley Spaceport, you will not find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."
"You killed my father!"
"No, Luke. . . I am your father!"

And, of course:
Leia: "I love you."
Han: "I know."

=--------------=
Worst Line:

From REVENGE OF THE SITH,
Darth Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

That scene should have gone like this
Palpatine: "Release Lord Vader from the cuffs" (Cuffs open)
Vader: "What happened to Padme?"
Palpatine: "She is dead/I'm afraid in your rage you killed her." (Either one)
Vader: "Very well."
Cue Imperial March.

ScottDS said...

T-Rav -

I almost mentioned a Han line or two from Jedi, mainly from the scenes on Endor. I know Ford wanted the character to die and feels that he didn't contribute anything to the film which is why he seems to be on auto-pilot the whole time.

ScottDS said...

Indi -

I don't want to open this can of worms but it'd be interesting to read Lucas' various drafts to see when he first inserted the "If you're not with me..." line. President Bush was hardly the first person to use the expression... and the stories were conceived years earlier... but then again Lucas isn't exactly a subtle writer!

ScottDS said...

Kit -

Cool idea for the ending. Instead we got what is basically a bad joke of a line. "Nooooo!" indeed. :-)

darski said...

Today and in these times, I think "These are not the droids you're looking for." is my fave line.

"These are the ballot boxes you're looking for." comes to mind.

darski said...

Edit------------------>

"These are not the ballot boxes you're looking for." comes to mind.

tryanmax said...

darski,

"Washington, D.C. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."

rlaWTX said...

I like the "not the droids" line. I can't come with others right now...

My brother claims that he read all 9 of the original scripts back in the 90s online somewhere. With Lucas' additional notes handwritten on them too. My brother makes crap up, but he's stuck to this claim for quite a while...

AndrewPrice said...

Anthony, I wonder about that sometimes. They clearly had no idea that Luke and Leia were brother and sister when they shot that.

BIG MO said...

Ahhh. Best lines/worst lines.

Original trilogy best – Of course, Han Solo said it, from ANH (as ScottD already said): “Hokey religions and archaic weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”

Original trilogy worst – From Leia in ROTJ: “Threepio, tell them they must be set free!” Perhaps it’s in Carrie Fisher’s high school play delivery, but that line made me cringe/laugh.

Prequel trilogy best – there actually were a couple, and they were all said by Palpatine. Particularly: “The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.” Perhaps it’s all in Ian McDirmand’s delivery, but his lines throughout the prequels sound the most natural and believable.

Prequel trilogy worst – does it have to be just one? OK, I’ll pick one at random. Captain Panaka in TPM: “Your highness, this is a battle I do not think that we can win.” Good grief. Why not “Your highness, we can’t win this battle.” You know, in plain active voice English.

I’ve long thought that Lucas must write brilliant dialogue, have it translated into German and then re-translated back into English. Or written the dialogue in Japanese then translated by fellows earning about 1 yen an hour. Thus, we have such gems as:

Original Anakin dialogue: “If you don’t love me, then you never should have kissed me.”

Final, re-re-translated Anakin dialogue: “I’m haunted by the kiss you should never have given me.”

Original Padme dialogue from the same scene: “Don’t be stupid, Anakin. Think! I could hide my feelings from other senators, but there's no way you could ever keep it a secret from mind-reading Jedi!”

Final, re-re-translated Padme dialogue: “We live in a real world, Anakin. Come back to it. If you follow your thoughts to conclusion, we’d be living a lie. I couldn’t live a lie. Could you?”

And original Jar-Jar dialogue: “Messa called Jar-Jar Binks!”

Re-re-translated Jar-Jar dialogue: “Messa called Jar-Jar Binks!

Makes sense to me.

AndrewPrice said...

PDBronco, LOL! Nicely done! :)

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, We should come up with a "Vader Tag Line" contest! LOL!

That is a great line about "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion...."

AndrewPrice said...

Jason, Nothing about their relationship makes sense, and you are right about that one. She seems totally indifferent to him killing all kinds of people. He even admits he killed the women and children and yet she says, "no biggee."

AndrewPrice said...

Mountain Man, The other thing I kept wondering about that scene is why Obi wan didn't just move the left? If Anakin is crowding him, just move over. It's not like they aren't both in spaceships.

It felt like they just needed dialog so they create that.

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, It's hard to find a truly bad line in the first three. AND it's hard to find a truly good line in the prequels. That's a hug tip off to the relative value of those films, isn't it?

It seem the "apology accepted" line is really popular!

AndrewPrice said...

Indi, The death sticks line is probably the best, at least it's the best that I can remember. How sad that a throw-away line ranks at or near the top!

AndrewPrice said...

Kit, "I know" is an awesome line.

Kit said...

“The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.”

You are right, Palpatine's lines were typically the best written and delivered in the prequels.

Also, to someone above. Forgot to list "These are not the droids you're looking for."
The original trilogy had a lot of good lines. The prequels? Eh, not so much.

Big Mo,
Good joke about Lucas and the re-re translated line. I think Lucas is trying to write dialogue with subtext but he just sucks at it.

AndrewPrice said...

darski, I've applied that droids line in many contexts in my life. For example:

"These are not the doughnuts you are looking for."

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Scott... "eithe rfor me or against me..." They're in good company. Jesus said it. Matthew 12:30

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+12&version=NASB

Favorite quote... the fear speech by Yoda.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Great line because it's well written and happens to be true.

T-Rav said...

Oh yeah, I also like the Emperor's line in ROTJ: "Now witness the full power of this fully armed AND operational battle station!" That gets quoted on blogs a lot. Like after the first debate, it was "Now witness the full power of this fully armed AND operational Romney campaign!"

(Also fitting, since both met similar ends.)

Kit said...

Somewhere on the US-Mexican border:

"Officer, these aren't the drugs you're looking for."

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Isn't that the truth about DC!

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, Your brother says the same thing about you! (just kidding)

AndrewPrice said...

Big Mo, Palpatine had the best lines, but I think that's because he was the only one who had a purpose in the movie. Everybody else was just winging it.

AndrewPrice said...

Floyd, Hate leads to voting Democratic.

Kit said...

Another good one.

"I'm altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

rlaWTX said...

"... voting Democratic" leads to suffering - it all works - brilliant Yoda was.

rlaWTX said...

[and, my brother would just say that he doesn't make anything up and I just don't understand him. Actually he'd yell that while also yelling that he never yells.]

Commander Max said...

For me one of the best lines came from the SW radio series.

Biggs Darklighter: "You only think this planet's boring, because you have never been anywhere else".

Individualist said...

"It's a Trap"

"We can't repel Firepower of that Magnitude"

Great lines by a third tier character

PikeBishop said...

"I thought you said this thing was fast." "Watch youur mouth Kid or you may find yourself floating home."

"Wookies have been known to rip people's arms from their sockets when they lose. "Artoo, perhaps a better strategy would be to let him win."

Worst line ever:

"Mom, can I be a Jedi knight? Yipee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tennessee Jed said...

I kind of liked the one about witnessing the fire power of the fully armed and operational death star

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, I know those kinds of people, the kind who do exactly what they claim they never do!

AndrewPrice said...

Max, You told me that quote the other day and I'm still thinking about it!

AndrewPrice said...

Pike, And the ever popular:

"Don't worry, she'll hold together.... come on, baby, hold together!"

Jason said...

Ian McDirmand's delivery has been mentioned several times, which reminded me of the scene when Mace Windu had Palpatine pinned down near the window. Palpatine then raises his hands to shoot some Sith lightning and screams, "No, no, you will die!" It's so glorious cartoonish, and it could have been horribly done by a lesser talent.

Speaking of Mace Windu, Samuel L. Jackson's line readings were VERY stilted. I think the most infamous example is him saying in Ep I, "You believe it's this...boy?" Just listen to it, it's funny how he's trying to sound surprised but it comes off so fake.

T-Rav said...

Yeah, Sam Jackson...ugh. A terrible casting choice for a terrible character.

Samuel L. Jackson said...

I am sick... of all these Sith Lords.... on this Death Star!

Kit said...

"I am sick... of all these Sith Lords.... on this Death Star!"

No, its "I am sick... of all these motherf--king Sith Lords.... on this mother--king Death Star!"

Anthony said...

Pike,

'Let the wookie win' is an awesome line that one used to hear a lot in arcades back when arcades were the gaming equivalent of movie theaters in the US.

Kit said...

Anthony,

What are these "arcades" that you speak of? ;)

ScottDS said...

Kit -

Ian McDiarmid was probably the best part of the prequels. His acting no doubt saved scenes that would otherwise be unbearable.

Good call on the other good lines of dialogue, especially, "Pray I don't alter it further."

Arcades? I know I say this about a lot of things but those of us who are in our late 20s/early 30s are the last to know life with trips to the arcade (and my favorite arcade attraction: skee-ball!). :-)

ScottDS said...

Floyd -

I didn't know that line was in the Bible. I know in Star Trek V, Kirk says to Spock, "Until then, you're either with me or you're not." So maybe Lucas was paying homage to Shatner. (I... doubt it.) :-D

Re: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

It is a good line but I know Mr. Plinkett had a field day with this one, rearranging each line so anger leads to fear leads to suffering leads to hate, and so on and so forth.

ScottDS said...

Max -

I've never listened to any of the radio plays but I understand there's good material to be found within, and I'm a sucker for alternate lines, ideas that weren't filmed but used elsewhere, etc.

I may have to track these down one day.

ScottDS said...

Indi -

Isn't it funny how third-tier characters like Admiral Ackbar seem to take on a life of their own? I think filmmakers would be wise stop trying to create break-out characters - just let the audience do the work instead. It's obviously happened before!

ScottDS said...

Pike -

I had forgotten about "Yippee!" I know he says it near the end... one time doesn't bother me (he is a kid after all!) but I haven't seen the film in a while so I don't know if he utters it elsewhere.

Probably for the best that I don't know. :-)

ScottDS said...

Jason and T-Rav -

Samuel L. Jackson is a great actor so I have to assume it was either Lucas' uninspiring direction or an actor choice. Lucas isn't known as an actor's director so I wonder how much leeway the actors may have had when it came to interpreting the script... not that the script gave them much to work with!

Mycroft said...

Never tell me the odds!

obiwan2009 said...

Favorite Quote from the Original Trilogy,"You're All Clear Kid, Now Let's Blow This Thing and GO HOME!!"

I was awfully disappointed to find the stupid, "NO!" edited into Vader's dialogue, so despised by me that I envision the Bruce Willis Die Hard line, "Yippie Kay-Yay...!" more deserving of the evil emperor Palpatine. Anyways, if I were Vader, I would be honestly losing it if the Emperor were killing my own son.

Kit said...

Scott,

I am actually remember arcades (I'm 23).

On Ian, when you are a great actor in a bad film you can either do an astounding job with what is given to you (and his material was probably the least worst) or you can ham it up like Jeremy "Let their blood RAIN from the SKKKKKYYYYY!!!!!!" Irons.

Outlaw13 said...

I think at some point Vader should have said, "Always bet on black."

AndrewPrice said...

Outlaw, That would have been hilarious!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

I liked Yoda's "Do or do not. There is no try."
Besides, that's a conservative message there and definitely founded on reality.

I concur that Binks and Anakin had the worst lines in the prequels. Yuck.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

BTW, Andrew, Scott, et al, if you're looking to replace Star Trek posts for awhile, might Isuggest Firefly and Serenity as fill ins after you're done with Star Wars?

It's on my wish list in any event. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Outlaw, that's hilarious! LOL!

Anonymous said...

I've been on holidays and missed this but I'll chime in with my two cents.

Most of the best lines were said by Han and Darth but the two that have stood the test of time and which I still hear quoted in some form today are
- These are not the droids you are looking for
- Do or do not, there is no try

The worst is simple for me, it's Anakin talking about sand, god dam that made me cringe (even more then his usual dialog did).

Scott.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, Welcome back from your holiday... now get to work! LOL! ;)

In all seriousness, excellent choices! Yeah, the sand thing made me just shake my head.

AndrewPrice said...

Ben, We'll see what we can do! :)

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