Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Lowest Common Demoninator Speaks!

There's an article at Yahoo movies by “Senior Editor” Kevin Polowy, which just screams for comment. Here’s the article: Why I Fell in Love With Adam Sandler — And Why We Had to Break Up. It’s about why Kevin stopped being an Adam Sandler fan and it’s one of the most non-self-aware article I’ve ever seen. Kevin truly is the lowest common denominator only he doesn't seem to realize it, and he actually spends his time insultingly telling us how he's now too mature to be a pathetic Sandler fan. Wow.

Kevin begins by telling us that he was a junior in high school when he fell in love with Adam Sandler. Sandler had just done Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, and this was “proof that Sandler wasn’t merely a comedy genius; he was, in the most obnoxiously grandiose words of Billy Madison himself, ‘The Smartest Person Alive.’” Kevin was hooked.

See, it wasn’t just the “oddball, aggro comedic sensibility”[sic] that earned Kevin’s love, it was that Sandler was “an antihero perfectly suited to an adolescent boy.” He “stood up to the douchiest of douchebags.” He always got the girl. AND he stubbornly refused to grow up. He stood for the idea of proving that “one could get older without necessarily ever maturing.”

Now let me stop right there and point out a few things to Kevin. First, only the “douchiest of douchebags” would use that phrase in an article written on a public site like Yahoo. Secondly, getting older without maturing is precisely how one becomes the douchiest of douchebags. It is the easiest road to take and every single obnoxious, self-centered abusive dipsh*t grew old without maturing. It is the act of maturing which keeps you from becoming a douchebag. And I find it extremely telling that Kevin doesn’t realize this. It tells us he lacks maturity and judgment... something Kevin is about to prove undeniably.

As an aside, Kevin also mentions that Sandler films are packed with “memorable one-liners,” like “Stop looking at me, swan.” Actually, no one talks about memorable quotes from Sandler films. It seems that Kevin has confused “quotes that have meaning to me” with “memorable quotes.” That’s not surprising since Kevin doesn’t seem to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around him, that his tastes are not respected and revered by the world, and that his immature ass is not the hero in this world.

Anyways, Kevin went on to college and started to “grow,” though he is careful to point out that he hadn’t grown up yet. Hence, he still liked The Waterboy and The Wedding Singer and he pulled a good one on his girlfriend. When she said she wanted to see The Wedding Planner to “take their relationship to the next level,” he showed her The Wedding Singer instead. That's sweet, dude!!

Ok, seriously, first, anyone who thinks that seeing a movie will take their relationship to the next level is a dipshit of the lowest caliber. I cannot imagine a more stupid, meaningless idea. That is the kind of retardery characters spew in films to let the audience know they are shallow, moronic douchebags. Kevin doesn't get that. Secondly, this tool actually tries to score some “I'm cool” points by further telling us how he tricked his girlfriend in this moment where he was supposedly making a commitment to her. What a turd! Seriously, does Kevin live in a sitcom?

Oh, and it gets worse.

Kevin now tells us that he stayed with his lover “into my young professional days.” I can’t imagine what kind of profession would accept Kevin, but I’m assuming he is mistakenly using “professional” whereas others would merely say “employed.” Anyways, that's when they had their first spat: Little Nicky felt like “90 minutes of hell” to Kevin. At that point, Kevin felt his fandom “dwindle and teeter toward ambivalence.” So Kevin is so shallow that a single bad film kills his fandom. Wow, how fickle.

Oh but wait, Sandler did do a dramatic role in Punch-Drunk Love, which kept the now mature Kevin on the team through “the rocky mid-00’s” as Sandler “churned out increasingly formulaic comedies like Anger Management and Click.” Of course, Kevin doesn’t realize that the films he praised before this were entirely formulaic as well. But like all morons, the thing that opened his eyes becomes a revelation and he wants to believe it stands unique in the world... despite all the evidence to the contrary that this was just the first time he noticed what everyone else already knew.

Suddenly, Kevin became a grown-up... he discovered Judd Apatow.

//laughs self silly

According to Kevin, Mr. Apatow’s gems like The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Wedding Crashers were a “comedy renaissance.” These “were the adventures of stunted guys, but there was a cleverness behind their adolescent jokes – the people making these films were obviously adults.”

Wow, poor Kevin is a retard. Apatow is Sandler without the cleverness or the knowledge of the adult world. What made Sandler work, when he worked, was that he injected these child-like characters into the adult world and he played off the juxtaposition. What makes Apatow so forgettable (and being forgotten at record speed) is that his world is one of slackers who live in their parents’ basements. He has no grounding in the world of adults, no understanding of reality. He just has losers sampling each other’s bodily fluids for two hours as they improv low-hanging fruit at each other. The closest Apatow comes to “adult” is the bookstore where he buys his “literature.” That Kevin thinks Apatow is somehow for adult tastes tells us way more than we need to know about Kevin.

And it gets worse.

See, Kevin now gets self-righteous. One of the Sandler films that bothered Ken was I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry: “It wasn’t just horribly unfunny, it was icky and outdated – full of gay-panic undertones and over-the-top stereotypes.” Icky? Who says that? Teenage girls? Also, your whole article has been about why you think comedy about over-the-top stereotypes and dirty sex jokes are what make you the bastion of maturity you are, dipshit! So what's the problem? Oh, I see... Kevin then says this, “But it was 2011’s Jack and Jill, in which Sandler plays male and female twins, that finally made me realize we were through. . . I was too embarrassed to be in the same room with him.”

So let’s compare these two thoughts. First, Kevin blasts Sandler for doing a film with “gay-panic” undertones because Sandler clearly is not as enlightened on the gay issue as Kevin. Yet, the movie that ended their relationship was one where Kevin became embarrassed because Sandler played both male and female roles. In other words, Kevin felt uncomfortable seeing a movie in which the heterosexuality of his hero was questioned and he couldn’t take that, i.e. Kevin suffered from gay-panic. Hypocrite.

And he’s not done yet.

Kevin now smugly moralizes about how he’s so over Sandler and how he sometimes notes that Sandler made foolish choices in choosing “all these shameless cash-grabs aimed at the broadest, lowest common denominator.” Uh... that's you Kevin! You were the target audience and you bought it, buddy. Ergo, you are the lowest common denominator you disdain. Wow, this guy is not self-aware. Kevin then self-righteously asks, “Does he look at actors like Seth Rogen and Jason Segel, whose man-child characters are allowed to actually become men, and secretly envy them?” Uh, when did that ever happen? Rogen and Segel are the poster-boys for exactly what Kevin is whining about... dochebags who never grow up and think their childish BS is held in high regard. I don't know a single actual man who thinks Rogen or Segel are anything like actual men. Are you really looking at them for guidance on how to be a man, Kevin? Good God.

Finally, in the most wretched moment, Kevin finishes with this little turd: “I find myself thinking about who’s to blame for our failed affair; I don’t think it’s me.” Of course, you don’t because the idea of accepting responsibility for your own actions and tastes if beyond your limited skill set. “It’s strange to think I’m the mature one in this scenario.” It's strange because it's wrong: you aren’t the mature one. “I still laugh at lowbrow gags in spawn-of-Sandler films. But the truth is, I’ve moved on and grown up. Sandler, meanwhile, is still stuck in grade school.” Uh, no. The truth is that you moved on to a different crush who is even less mature than Sandler. You just aren’t self-aware enough to realize it. Sandler, on the other hand, was playing a role... a role that is unlike the man in real life... a roll that had you giggling in your little boy pants and dreaming of crushes on film characters. Wow, you're pathetic Kevin. Get bent, man-child.

Anyways, tune in Friday to see how well Apatow really grasps the adult world.

28 comments:

Tennessee Jed said...

what can i say?

AndrewPrice said...

I'm not sure, Jed. I just read this and my jaw dropped. It shocked me how totally unaware this guy was. He is everything he describes dismissively and he doesn't even come close to understanding that... and now he's lobbing stones.

What bothers me is that this has become the quality of "internet journalists." They are a bunch of lowest-common-denominator narcissists.

Koshcat said...

Sometimes I want to watch something deep and sometimes I just want to laugh. Sander's earlier films work because they were silly; almost vauvillian. Lately they just haven't been as funny but I still love Happy Gilmore. "The price is wrong, bitch!"

AndrewPrice said...

Koshcat, Agreed. Sandler was just the latest in a long line of "mindless" comedy guys who delivered funny, but meaningless films. And there's nothing wrong with that. But you aren't supposed to take their films internally and see them as guides upon which to base your life.

And then to angrily abandoned Sandler only to jump ship to Apatow as your role model for manhood is pathetic.

Backthrow said...

Andrew,

Wow, you scared me a bit there when you referenced the Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson movie, Wedding Crashers (an actual funny popular comedy, last time I checked), as an Apatow movie. It was unclear whether you were quoting the Yahoo yahoo with that, or if that was all you-hoo. Anyway, I double-checked the fine print on the back of the movie's DVD case, as well as Apatow's imdb credits and... nope, he had nothing to do with it. Whew!

That aside, I like to think I have a big enough heart to dislike the entire laugh-free output of both Apatow and Sandler, with plenty of room left over for more comedies-in-name-only.

ScottDS said...

I'd have more respect for Sandler if he actually tried. But it seems he's content to be on auto-pilot. (And I hate how some conservative movie reviewers reflexively defend him because he's "one of us" but that's another story.)

One should be careful talking about the lowest common denominator. We all like to think we're not part of it and we thumb our nose at products aimed at it. But who's to say my interests are any more sophisticated than theirs?

tryanmax said...

I'm gonna stick my neck out (again) and profess my liking of Apatow films. Not that I think they are anything better than what they are: man-child body-humor schlock. It just happens to be the sort of schlock that entertains me. I also like Sandler films, which I would have a hard time elevating to the level that Yahoo Kevin does. Actually, before this article, I never considered the similarities between Sandler and Apatow, only the differences.

I find Kevin's omissions most interesting. No mention of Funny People, a surprisingly worthwhile dramedy written/directed by Apatow and starring Sandler. If any film ought to have been mentioned, it's this. But perhaps it's left out because it blows his whole premise. He also singles out the year 2005, but fails to mention anything Sandler had out at the time, 50 First Dates, Spanglish, and The Longest Yard, some of Sandler's best work, IMO. (I'm not comparing Yard to the original here.)

Finally, if there was ever a reason to break it off with Sandler, it was after That's My Boy. I never saw Jack and Jill but if Kevin had waited a year, he might've avoided looking like a huge hypocrite. Besides, men playing women is a pillar of comedy. Kevin is truly a moron.

AndrewPrice said...

Backthrow, LOL! I completely missed that. So add that to Kevin's impressive resume of failure... he misidentifies Wedding Crashers as being written by his new crush. Nice.

I don't care for either Apatow or Sandler, but Sandler is head and shoulders funnier. Apatow's stuff is just stupid and narcissistic. Anything funny he does is purely coincidental.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, This guy is lowest common denominator by his own accusation. And that's without even looking at all the other self-indulgent, oblivious idiocy he spews.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Those are excellent points. So he skips right over the point where Sandler starts playing more mature characters so he can make the point that Sandler never grows up. Kevin really is a dipsh*t.

AndrewPrice said...

BTW, as between Sandler and Apatow, let me point out that there is a Sandler film on television pretty much every week. There was one on TNT this morning. Apatow films are rare. They tend to vanish into the ether.

ScottDS said...

Apatow's films show up on TV now and then. Maybe not as often as Sandler's but 40-Year Old Virgin and Forgetting Sarah Marshall show up on Comedy Central or E! sometimes.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure The Shawshank Redemption is airing somewhere every second of every day!

(P.S. I sent another e-mail earlier, somewhat related to this subject.)

Anthony said...

I liked Superbad better than anything of Sandler's I've seen, but I can count the movies of both directors I've seen on the fingers of one hand.

Outlaw13 said...

Happy Gilmore is an awesome movie, but I could use a line from Kevin's former hero to describe his article: "what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Dave Olson said...

I for one can come to this discussion with clean hands. I've NEVER liked Adam Sandler. It didn't start as an active dislike, he just wasn't my cup of tea. Maybe I'd have liked him if I were a watcher of SNL, but that's not my bag either.

It wasn't all horrible. (No, really. It wasn't.) Some of his standup routines were good, and of course there's the Haunahka Song, which works as long as you only hear it less than five times in any given December. And while I haven't seen Happy Gilmore all the way through, the parts I've seen are pretty good. How could anyone not like to see Bob Barker getting stomped, and then kicking a little ass of his own?

That's about it. The rest of his films seem to be high concepts that just don't work because he's too lazy to try acting like someone other than a slack-jawed lummox (Wedding Singer, Click, Big Daddy) , or a high concept that is stupid from the outset and a disaster on screen (Little Nicky, The Waterboy, etc). And we'll not even mention the least-necessary remake since Gus van Sant's Psycho. You know the one.

AndrewPrice said...

Outlaw, LOL! Agreed! There is a lot of stupidity on the web, but this article just blew me away with how stupid it was.

I too enjoyed Happy Gilmore.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, I see Sandler films all the time -- both on TNT/TBS and on the pay channels. It's fairly rare that I see an Apatow film these days. (Also see a lot of Ben Stiller films.)

For a moment, I thought you were telling me that Apatow wrote Shawshank. I would have been shocked.

AndrewPrice said...

Anthony, I've seen them all by this point and I can definitely say that Sandler has talent when he tries... but he doesn't always try. Apatow doesn't have talent. He just does the same weak stuff over and over.

AndrewPrice said...

Dave, The Bob Barker fight is probably the most memorable thing Sandler has done. It's truly hilarious.

Kit said...

I liked Mr. Deeds.

Though it may had more to do with my little crush on Winona Ryder at that point in my life. (Shut up, her Lydia Deetz was one of my first crushes.)

ScottDS said...

For a moment, I thought you were telling me that Apatow wrote Shawshank. I would have been shocked.

No!!!! :-)

I meant to say that, of all the movies made in the last 20 years, Shawshank seems to air the most. I even read an article recently on how it continues to make its studio so much money.

PikeBishop said...

Dave: Interesting enough, I went into Sandler's movie career with a pre-conceived bias BECAUSE I watched him on SNL. Some of the stuff he did was the most juvenile idiocy, that I could not believe this man was a cast member on the supposed cutting edge comedy show of the day. And I refer to mostly the stuff he did on the news segment: lame one joke characters like Opera Man and Cajun Man that were run into the ground by appearing every week, or really, really stupid things like "cheap Halloween costumes (Sandler crunches up his face like he just swallowed a lemon and was simultaneously trying to pass a kidney stone and says "Hey, I'm Mr. Crazy mixed up face man..............Give me some Candy) Puh-leez, I had better material as the class clown in Sister Regina's 3rd grade class! As an actor in the sketches he never really made an impression on me.

So when I saw Happy Madison and Billy Gilmore, I just assumed they were more of the same of this idiot that I couldn't stand.

To be fair to Sandler, I did enjoy the Wedding Singer and I watched Grownups one night and was pleasantly surprised. Other than that, I have avoided Sandler films like they were Obama speeches.

PikeBishop said...

Oh and one more "to be fair" on SNL, I did think the Lunch Lady and Hannakuh song's were good, but that's it!

John Jameson said...

The Dunning-Kruger effect strikes again!

One of the entertaining things about the internet is that it gives people with no critical or writing ability the opportunity to display their talent.

AndrewPrice said...

John, Very true. And most of those people have no idea how it makes them look. This guy really looks like a fool... a very smug fool.

Collin Chersi said...

I've only seen two of Adam Sandler's movies - Don't Mess With The Zohan and Click. Click was just average and didn't really do it for me. Don't Mess With the Zohan was much better, but some of the comedy didn't work for me.

A lot of today's comedies don't work for me due to the obvious jokes, the forced nature of the comedy, and the emphasis on raunchiness and gross-out. Usually in those films, the first act usually has laughing me due to the wordplay, but then the rest of film drags and becomes unfunny.

The only comedies of this decade the I've genuine liked are This Is The End and The Hangover Part III, but mostly as guilty pleasures due to their dark comedy.

I'm more a fan of Blake Edwards and manic, slap-stick comedy.

Yaniv Chenski said...

Sandler is just the worst. a hollywod con man that manage to swindle about 80MM$ for a cheap, grotesque garbage like Jack N Jill. the product placement, the hidden racism, offensive joke on the expanse of anyone who's not Sandler.

He's a really awful movie maker. always been it's just started to catch up with movie goers as his schlocks are getting what they deserve, box office fail.

Just watch some redlettermedia reviews/take down. they said it best.

If you wanna claim an A list comedian/celeb because he's conservative or whatever i'd suggest you look elsewhere. this a huge disservice to conservatives or anyone who'd claim this fraud.

AndrewPrice said...

Yaniv, I don't think it's smart to claim anyone just because of their ideology.

In terms of Sandler, he's had a couple of good moments, but they are few and far between. Unfortunately, he and most of the others today simply aren't very clever or funny.

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