Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Questionable Trek vol. 20

In honor of the release of the Blu-Ray version of Star Trek: The Next Generation, we decided to come up with a list of George Lucas like changes that could be made to the series to make it the way the creators always envisioned it. Please add anything we missed.

Andrew's Answer:

1. Short answer, Picard shoots first.

2. All phasers replaced with foam pointer fingers.

3. They really do need a conference table on the bridge.

4. Wesley replaced by Jar Jar Binks.

5. Worf digitally moved to the left three paces in all scenes for no reason whatsoever.

Scott's Answer: Since you mentioned it, the Blu-Rays won't have any George Lucas-style changes. The show has been reconstructed from scratch using - get this - the original effects shots, using CGI only when the original elements are MIA. (Paging Mr. Lucas...) The company line is that they are being faithful to the original broadcasts, but I do have a few items on my geek wish list:

1. Please replace this oft-used matte painting!

2. Paint out the guy with the glasses.

3. Extend these sets so we don't see the soundstages: click here and here.

4. Yeah, this is obviously not Patrick Stewart - it's his stunt double. They can fix this now!

5. I know this sounds totally fanboyish but it would be nice to see some new ships. Due to the exigencies of TV production, they often reused the same models but now they can create a few new ones.

(Special thanks to Ex Astris Scientia for the background info and stills.)

Thoughts?

50 comments:

shawn said...

I agree with Scott- new ships instead of the recycled ones.

I would also add, how about shots that actually show the proper scale between ships. The Romulan Warbirds were supposed to be twice the size of the Enterprise-D, but they always seemed to be about the same size. And Klingon bird of preys needed to be smaller.

Commander Max said...

The simple answer would be to give George total control. Be sure to tell him how much we liked the Phantom Menace. Then prepare to be confused(Come to think of it, I think that's what they were going for in the STNG films, at least they didn't keep changing the films. In ST case that might have helped).

Within the topic, you need do do something with a bunch of midgets. In some sort of cute costoms(influenced by something out of a Spielberg movie, preferably with fur). Don't forget to have them singing and dancing.

Turn Weesly into a Borg and have him shout, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". But do it for no real reason, other than making the fans happy.

Individualist said...

Well Let's See.......

The Q Contimuum will be changed to a giant tree on a giant mountain range that floats in the skies like magic.

Everyone will use the holoprojector deck to control cool giant boides with weird tales from the back of their heads which can mind link Vulcan style to the tree.

Then although it is telepathic communication they will yell out in communing with the tree... "Nothing Green grows on their planet anymore"

Wait.... that's a Cameron change... Sorry all the leftist directors' movies look the same to me

LGD said...

Jean-Luc Picard of France and a French vineyard needs a French accent instead of a British accent. Likewise his brother. Or if it's cheaper, change their mother's accent to British.

Tennessee Jed said...

o.k., hardly on topic, but I happened to screen two Chris Pine vehicles for guests this weekend: "Bottle Shock" and "This Means War." Both are fun films, but the question is begged: "given that the film version of young Kirk did quite well at the box office, why haven't we heard word of a second effort in the new "prequel" series?

As for the question you actually asked: "Number 2" hits a time machine where he is transported back in time, and stars in a civil war mini-series called "North and South."

darski said...

Since I don't do movies and only hear about such stuff second hand I can't really get into this discussion. I'm afraid that my Trekkie standing is fading fast.

Synnerman said...

"given that the film version of young Kirk did quite well at the box office, why haven't we heard word of a second effort in the new "prequel" series?"

It's already finished and comes out next year. Most of the details have been kept hidden, other than the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch (from "Sherlock") is the villain.

ScottDS said...

Jed -

Synnerman beat me to it. Director JJ Abrams likes his secrecy (a little too much if you ask me) but they're done shooting and ILM is no doubt working on the visual effects as we speak.

I get my news about the film here.

ScottDS said...

shawn -

Good call on the scale of the ships. Also, it would be nice to see ships on multiple planes instead of what we usually saw, which was two ships facing each other on the same plane.

ScottDS said...

LGD -

I read a good comment once: if Picard has a British accent, why doesn't he pronounce "Lieutenant" as "Leftenant"? Food for thought... :-)

ScottDS said...

Indi -

I doubt they could afford a tenth of anything James Cameron could think of, political or otherwise. :-D

DUQ said...

Picard shoots first. LOL!

tryanmax said...

I have but one simple request: the digital removal of all man-skants from season one.

BIG MO said...

1) Seat belts! At least Lucas got that right: star Wars ships have seat belts and harnesses. Starfleet never seems to get around to adding these rudimentary safety devices to their vessels, apparently content to let explosions fling personnel all over the ship.

2) Randomly insert Boba Fett into the background of various scenes.

3) Add a cantina band to Ten-Forward.

4) Add Jawas to scurry around the ship picking up trash.

AndrewPrice said...

Shawn, I agree with that. I always had a problem with the Klingon Bird of Prey as well. It's supposed to be a small ship with a crew of 27. The Enterprise has a crew of 1000. Yet, the Bird of Prey always looks bigger.

ScottDS said...

tryamax -

I have but one simple request: the digital removal of all man-skants from season one.

That deserves one of these. :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Max, I like it. They can add Ewoks randomly throughout the ship and no one will seem to notice.

I love the Wesley idea. He can yell "Noooooooooo" every time he leaves a scene for no reason whatsoever!

AndrewPrice said...

Indi, Yes, that would be Cameronization. We're talking getting Lucasized.

AndrewPrice said...

LGC, I always found that pretty funny actually, why does a Frenchman have a British accent?

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, Ironically, I could see Riker staring in North and South. I'm not sure why I can see this, but it feels like something which could really happen! LOL!

I thought they had agreed to do another Star Trek movie, but I admittedly have not kept up with it.

tryanmax said...

RE: Capt. Picard's accent. You're not considering what realignments might have taken place following the Eugenics Wars and WWIII. There might not be any true Frenchmen left in the 24th Century.

AndrewPrice said...

darski, That's ok. But these Blu-Rays are a re-issue of The Next Generation television series.

AndrewPrice said...

Synnerman, Thanks for the update. I thought I'd heard something about it.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, I always thought the nose to nose pose was quite stupid. I can't see spaceships really doing that, especially when they just need to get near each other to use their transporters.

AndrewPrice said...

DUQ, Yep! That's the biggest change this series needs.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Yeah, those need to go.

rlaWTX said...

I don't think this is necessarily a Lucasization, but the extra guy on the away team should get to wear a different color than red. Just to see if it helps him live longer. And because it has to be demoralizing to look around and realize that you're the extra guy on the away team and you're stuck wearing a uniform. He should get to run and put on his Hawaiian shirt and shorts or his James Bond tux before beaming down...

rlaWTX said...

And I like Jawas picking up the trash!!!!

AndrewPrice said...

Big Mo, That's a good point. How could the Federation not think to install seatbelts? It would seem to be the smart thing to do.

I love the idea of Jawas or a Cantina band!

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, That's true. Perhaps "France" is now nothing more than an extension of Britain? Who knows?

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, That's true, it must be demoralizing. You never want to be the extra guy on the away team! Always bring buddies... slower, dumber buddies. ;)

I like the Jawa idea too.

BIG MO said...

1) Improve Wesley's manliness by occasionally replacing his sweaters with a "Han Shot First" T-shirt.

2) In the last two seasons, have Picard randomly shout "There are four lights!"

3) Replace Picard's "Noooooooo!" in First Contact -- when he breaks the ship models in his ready room -- with Vader's "Nooooooo!" in Revenge of the Sith.

4) Add Leia's metal bikini to Troi's wardrobe choices.

AndrewPrice said...

Mo, Those are actually extremely good suggestions! I love the idea of Picard randomly shouting "There are four lights." LOL!

Tennessee Jed said...

Andrew Price - for shame, you completely missed my joke ! :) Jonathan Frakes DID have a major role in the mini-series North & South. He played the villainous younger brother in the Hazzard family of Bethlehem, Pa (ironically where Frakes grew up.) The family was wealthy, but Frakes' character was making extra money by using inferior iron ore in the casting of artillery. That caused them to blow up when being used in battle.

Backthrow said...

1.) Replace John De Lancie's Q with a CGI-ed actual three-dimensional letter Q, but have it morph into a different font style evey few seconds, to show that he's all-powerful.

2.) Make the various non-humanoid aliens fart and poop once in awhile, because kids think that's funny.

3.) Have away teams travel to planet surfaces via explosive-launched flying fridges instead of transporter beams.

4.) Lots of racing scenes, on land and in space, for their own sake. Oh, and make sure they're copied from old movies most modern audiences will never watch, like BEN HUR and THE DAM BUSTERS.

5.) Liberally loop-in the Wilhelm Scream, whenever somebody is shot or falls down.

6.) Whoopi Goldberg voices a CGI muppet Guinan... who knows kung-fu!

7.) Re-do the whole set next year, in 3-D, and with 45% more post-post-production fiddling.

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, I indeed got your joke! I tried to hint that I knew it without coming out and saying it. I guess I wasn't clear enough. :(

It was an excellent joke too!

AndrewPrice said...

Backthrow, You've played this game before! Or you work for George Lucas!

I particularly like... well, all your ideas. :)

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Stephen Spielberg consults and the phasers are replaced with walkie-talkies.

The directors cut is released without the narration at the beginning (a la Blade Runner)

Sex on the holodeck... yeah DS9 went there, but that file labeled "GRNCHKS" (think about it) under Riker's name would sure get a lot of use on a ST:TNG

There would also be more racist stereotypes in a Lucas redo... Jewish Ferengi (pick any version of The Jazz Singer), Vulcans who talk like Charlie Chan, Romulans who talk like Mr. Moto (Romulans and Vulcans each think they're the superior race) and Klingons would talk like Boris and Natasha.

AndrewPrice said...

Floyd, The idea of the Klingons talking like Boris and Natasha is fantastic! That alone would be worth the price of admission!

In terms of the holodeck, I'm a firm believer that it would probably be used exclusively for sex and boss-killing fantasies. That's the human race for you!

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Yeah...

and perhaps I should have said "racial stereotypes" not "racist" ones since Lucas isn't a racist and I don't mean to drop that card.

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Lucas redos of movies in general would be a great thread topic

AndrewPrice said...

Floyd, That's a good idea. I think people would have a lot to say about that as Lucas has rubbed people very wrong in that regard.

Personally, I doubt Lucas is racist, but he certainly has no problems introducing racial stereotypes in his works. I'm not sure why he does that.

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Racial...

I think he has a very simplistic view of the world -- as all racialists and racists do. I tell me students all the time only children see the world in primary colors. God colors out of the 128 color Crayon box -- and yet most people argue out of the 8-color Crayon box.

Black villians and White heroes (in terms of colors of hats, uniforms, etc. not race) can be archetypal as part of a nuanced view of human nature, etc. OR they can be the easiest tools to use for amind that is not that sharp -- at least in terms of worldview.

AndrewPrice said...

Floyd, I agree completely. Our world is a world of nuance with a million different opinions, beliefs and desires. But far too many people see the world in black and white or near-black and white and view everyone as essentially the same.

I think Lucas fits in that second category. He sees everything as good and evil, and he thinks that evil recognizes itself as evil. And racial stereotypes, to him, are just easy ways to get at the essence of the different races. There is no thought that people are individuals and have unique views that don't come from group affiliation. You see this all over his movies. You even see it in the complete lack of personal effects surrounding his characters. It's like they all belong to different clans, and as such they get the standard clan gear and standard clan views and nothing else is allowed.

Joe the Cop said...

To stay consistent with Mr. Lucas' ethics, be sure to release one version on Blu-ray, swearing that you'll never ever release the other...until all the dupes buy the first set that no one really wanted in the frist place.

AndrewPrice said...

Joe, So true. And then get upset when people try to talk about prior versions.

Koshcat said...

1. Have Picard step in the poopie and then look over and yell "Wesley!" Then show Wesley looking guilty and sorry. Picard can then smack him with a newspaper.

2. CGI more naked Ferengi

3. Show Warf in holodeck killing all his superior officers and raping the remaining women as a true Klingon warrior.

4. More naked or nearly naked Troi

5. Eliminate 75% of the Dr. Crusher scenes or even better, eliminate all of them and replace her with the annoying holo-doc.

AndrewPrice said...

Koshkat, Both Crushers definitely wore on my nerves at times, especially early on.

Floyd R. Turbo said...

I almost forgot... ST:TNG3-D!!!!!

AndrewPrice said...

Floyd, Yeah, that's coming too isn't it? What's next? 4D? 4E? Where will it end?

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