Sunday, May 29, 2011

Top 25: Guilty Pleasures

I may have overstated things slightly when I said this would be the most consequential post of all time. Yeah, probably. To celebrate our official grand opening today, we’re going to do something COMPLETELY meaningless: list my “guilty pleasure” movies. Yep, horrible, horrible movies that I just can’t resist when they come on television. The only caveat, they can't be cult classics -- so don’t expect to see Flash Gordon or Rocky Horror Picture Show. Here they are ranked in order of how close I am to quoting them from memory. . . oy:

1. Predator 2 (1990): It’s difficult to fully describe the awfulness of this film. Every moment is a cliché. Characters randomly spout lines ripped off from B-movies and take actions that make no sense. And forget continuity, the film was re-edited 20 times before they released it. Despite this, it’s still fun to watch Danny Glover hunt the Predator and vice versa. Also, because of the heavy cliché factor, it’s like watching every cop movie ever made at once. “Mike, goddamn it. This ain't your personal little war, you know.”

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999): Thomas Jane, LL Cool J, Samuel Jackson and three genetically manipulated killer sharks?! What could possibly go wrong? Well, the film feels like a quickie sequel to a better movie, how’s that for wrong? Still, I can’t not watch. There’s just something about LL Cool J explaining the theory of relativity that makes this sucker compelling. “Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this! Not ever!”

3. Conan The Destroyer/Red Sonja (1984/1985): These two might be the same film, I'm not sure, but they might as well be. Both seem like someone who had never seen Conan the Barbarian decided to make a sequel and prove they could do it on a third of the budget. The plots are little more than “stupidly hire a hero to protect someone I want to kill, send them out for a walk, and proceed to final confrontation.” The acting of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Brigitte Nielsen is not credible. And the sets were stolen from a high school play. But somehow these work as sword and sorcery flicks and the characters are likeable. “My brother's sister's cousin never said anything about bars.”

4. Immortal (Ad Vitam) (2004): I know, you’ve never heard of this one. Count yourself lucky. I saw this late one night and haven’t stopped thinking about it since. It's the first film shot entirely against a blue screen and it's nonsense. But it offers such a strange world that I keep thinking about it and wondering if there isn’t a decent movie buried in there somewhere? “The greatest power of all. The power to procreate with God.”

5. Speed Racer (2008): This film vacillates between being written by six year olds and being a fever dream, but I love the colors and effects and it’s got heart. Is it a good movie? Don’t make me laugh. But as pure escapism, it doesn’t get much better than this. “It's the only thing I know how to do and I gotta do something.”

6. Krull (1983): This film sports some talent (Liam Neeson, Freddie Jones, Francesca Annis) but does precious little with them. A weak plot (find out where the movie will end, go there and kill the bad guy with a circular boomerang), poor staging (rush to the middle of the stage and then read lines), and plastic sets make this film never quite feel real. Still, it cobbles together a pleasant little adventure film. “The man has raisins in his braincase.”

7. Beerfest (2006): Not nearly as funny as it should have been and not all that well made. Poor acting and poor sets. But the concept is worth the price of admission and the story is entertaining. Also, what can I say? I’m German. This film tugs at my ancestral roots. “It's time to scheiz or get off the crapper.”

8. Smoking Aces (2006): This film is so hip it forgets to be good. The director loses control of his timeline and forgets about some of his characters. But it’s got ATTITUDE like no other film. This film made me want to be a hitman! “He's got some clarity issues.”

9. Alien Resurrection (1997): This film may be failed parody. I'm not sure. But either way, it's pointless and stupid and nothing in it make sense. But it’s got some cool effects and some fun scenes, if you can get through the offensively obvious gimmicks and hokey dialog. Apparently, I can. “I thought you were dead?”

10. Planet Terror (2007): I’m scratching my head on this one. It was meant to be hokey and cheesy and it does that in spades, and in the process, it achieves the right level of badness to become a cult classic. Yet, I'm the only one in the cult. Still, I’ve got plenty of robes, so give this one a couple dozen chances. “That boy’s got the devil in him.”

11. The Fog (1980): Hal Holbrook. Adrien Barbeau. Janet Leigh. Jamie Lee Curtis. And a cast of spooky dead lepers who were tricked into crashing their ship upon the rocks of this small California town 100 years ago! How can this John Carpenter film go wrong? By being totally lightweight -- even the best scenes were forced into the movie by the studio. Still, this could be my personal favorite Carpenter film. It’s creepy, efficient and unique. “The celebration tonight is a travesty. We're honoring murderers.”

12. Leviathan (1989): Hey, let’s rip off Alien and The Abyss only without the production values! So why like this one? It’s copied good movies and condensed them into an easy to absorb topical. “I bet you were imploding in your pants.”

13. Poltergeist III (1988): Oh oh, somebody left the sequel machine on. P3 doesn’t include the original cast and it’s little more than a collection of things jumping at you. But it’s fast moving and it’s scary enough to entertain. “That’s not Carol Anne!”

14. Blue Thunder (1983): Malcolm McDowell chases Roy Scheider around Los Angles in helicopters. Everyone in this movie is pretty dense and the plot is paranoid and dishwater thin, but the movie works. The flying scenes are neat and Scheider is likeable. “You're supposed to be stupid, son. Don't abuse the privilege.”

15. Hackers (1995): Computer films never show what computers are really like. According to this film, hacking is like riding a skateboard through a videogame as young clubkids Angelina Jolie and pre-Trainspotting Johnny Lee Miller save the world from an evil corporate hacker. Still, it’s stylishly shot, has a cool techno soundtrack and most of the actors are up-and-comers. “Ugh. Hard copy.”

16. Bloodsport (1988): A highly-manipulative, faked martial arts tournament interrupted by moments of manipulative, unbelievable “plot” combine to trick you into thinking you’re watching a movie. Yet, somehow Bloodsport manages to be both tense and patriotic -- even with “the Belgian Waffle” in the lead. “Very good. But brick not hit back!”

17. The Core (2003): Yeah, I know. . . it’s crap. What’s your point? I like the actors. “Hang on. This isn't going to be subtle.”

18. The Quick and the Dead (1995): This film is an over-the-top collection of Western clichés, meant to look down pretentiously upon the ignorati who enjoy Westerns. Besides that, it’s one ass kicking film filled with amazing gun play, cool characters, a stunningly great cast, and a stylized American West that makes you want to buy a gun. “You see it's a gun fight. We both have guns. We aim, we fire, you die.”

19. Wing Commander (1999): Never-will-be teen actors in space acting out a film based on a videogame. But it’s an ok action/science fiction film with a believable world. “Better than sex with myself.”

20. Doom (2005): Do you smell what the Rock is cookin’? It ain’t a best actor award. But this film has uber-cool Karl Urban, the even cooler Rock, and the adorable Rosamund Pike killing monsters without end. . . or plot. “Aw, there's something behind me, isn't there?”

21. Cannonball Run (1981): Smokey and the Bandit was monumental and culturally relevant. . . this wasn’t, but heck was it fun. Who wouldn’t want to be part of this race? Come on, show of hands! “That must've been the entry of the National Safety Council.”

22. Xanadu (1980): I can’t explain it. The story is weak, the acting is worse and the visuals are horribly dated. But the soundtrack is strong and there’s something about the lightness of the film that makes it enjoyable. “Guys like me shouldn't dream anyway.”

23. Circle of Iron (1978): Bruce Lee wanted to make a movie using Zen principles. But he died and they made it anyway, with a man who lacked all of Lee’s charisma. Yet, somehow, this intellectually pretentious film works. Maybe it’s David Carradine’s triple roles? “The whole world is in commotion and you wish me peace!”

24. Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996): Fred Ward and Michael Gross?! Who could resist? Certainly not the Mexican Army, which calls them in to solve their little Graboid problem. Only these Graboids walk! “I am COMPLETELY out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.”

25. Final Destination 2 (2003): If there’s teenagers getting killed, I’ll be there. And when you cut out the middle man and death itself is doing the killing, well, that’s simply irresistible. Number 2 is the best in the series because it’s got less filler than the first and more point than 3-4. “Only new life can defeat Death.”

Anything on the list you want to claim is actually a good film? And what’s on your list?


patti said...


lol! now that we have that out of the way, let me say CONGRATS on the new addition to the site!

i love movies, even crap movies. when i was younger, before i knew there was such a thing as a film critic, i announced i wished i could get paid watching movies.

and i have guilty favs too. top gun is one. GOOSE!

Anonymous said...

Predator 2 isn't bad at all. There's a certain visceral quality that a lot of 80s action films (good and bad) had that many action films today lack. I don't know if it's simply due to changing styles in editing and camerawork or that the filmmakers back then took the work more seriously or whatever. And many directors back then took the R-rating seriously - even today, while there are more R-rated movies, many of them could be PG-13 with a few trims (cough, AvP: Requiem). Predator 2 certainly couldn't.

I still haven't seen Deep Blue Sea but I get the impression that I don't need to - I've seen what one might consider the "cool parts" on HBO. And when it comes to Samuel L. Jackson underwater, I'd rather watch Sphere (though that film falls apart half-way through).

You and I had a conversation about Krull in which you accused the visual FX artists on Star Trek II of copying themselves and I had to remind you that the Krull FX work was done by a different company on a different continent! However, James Horner certainly plagiarized parts of his Trek II score for this film. (And this isn't his only case of plagiarism either.) The film itself is kinda lame at times, just another film whose makers had Star Wars in mind.

Alien Resurrection's only use for me is in conversation:
"I love Alien 3."
"Yeah, but I don't like Resurrection."
"Okay. You're cool then." :-)

I find the film quite forgettable, save for Ron Perlman. Screenwriter Joss Whedon dislikes it even though the director stuck very closely to his script but he took what was supposed to be a dark action film and turned it into dark comedy. Tone can make all the difference in the world.

Poltergeist III isn't too bad. I find anything having to do with mirrors, reflections, etc. to be very spooky. In my opinion, one of the filmmakers' biggest sins was not having Jerry Goldsmith back to do the music. His score for the first film is a near-masterpiece and his score for the second one ain't too shabby either. (Lot of weird synth work.)

The best comment I ever read about Doom was, "Everything bad about this film can be summed up in the climax - in a movie about alien creatures, why does the final battle only involve two humans?"

Unknown said...

I remember having to take my son to see Krull when he was little. He insisted. What I remember best was some kind of space/time travel thingy that looked like a log raft.

I watch Blue Thunder whenever it's on because much of the action takes place in North Hollywood, where I ended up after my divorce. The most famous landmark: Circus Liquors, the most popular liquor store in the San Fernando Valley and three blocks from my house. The spot also was used as the place where evil popular boy Jeremy Sisto dumped ditsy Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. I'll drink to that (or not).

T-Rav said...

Um..."Live Free or Die Hard"? (quickly runs away)

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, Thanks! I think it would be great to be paid to review movies, but there are so many people who do it now (and most of them poorly) that I think the days of getting paid to review films are all but over.

Top Gun good call!

AndrewPrice said...

Predator 2 isn't bad?????????!!! Are you insane? Fine, I'll be back to deal with you in a few minutes. Heck, that one may even deserve an article detailing the utter stupidity of every single scene in the film...

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, I really enjoy Clueless... sad, I know.

On Blue Thunder, I think there is something to the popularity of films that take you into cities and show you parts that you don't normally see. So many films show you the touristy parts of cities, which you've seen a thousand times before and are no longer that interesting.

But then a film comes along like Blue Thunder and its just fascinating to get a tour of "regular" LA.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, This is a guilty pleasures thread, you can name anything you want without getting beaten.... we'll just hold it against you forever! ;-)

In terms of Die Hard, I like the first two a lot, and I can take the third... but the forth is just too much for me.

AndrewPrice said...


I love Sphere, except that as you note, it falls apart halfway through. That's one they should remake with an entirely different ending.

I think I may dissect Predator 2 in a future article because it's so bad that it's almost artistic. There are literally scenes where characters drive up, shout a couple lines about something they couldn't have known anything about before they got there and then get in their cars and leave again. There is zero consistency... etc. On the R rating, one reason they cut it 20 times was because it was originally given an NC-17 rating and they just couldn't get it into the R range.

But I agree that it along with other 1980s action films has a sense of fun/thrill that is missing in today's highly over-produced action films.

On Krull, I think it's obvious that they took the Star Trek effects and soundtrack. Even the credits use the same font. It may not be the same people, but this was clearly monkey-see monkey-do.

You should give Deep Blue Sea a try, it will change your life... just kidding. Don't waste your time.


AndrewPrice said...

(continued) Alien Resurrection just simply isn't good. The characters are weak, their motivations are ridiculous, the set, the action, and the behaviors of everyone are entirely unrealistic. And there is a scene I absolutely cannot stand. It's when the Hispanic dude suddenly "remembers" what he would have known all along. His dialog is literally like: "wait a minute, now I remember the entire backstory (which I should have known all along and can't possibly explain how I could forget until now) and here is that backstory in total." Ug. But I like Ron Perlman (especially as Hellboy) and I like the underwater scene. . . in space.

Two images that have become almost entirely cliche yet find their way into every modern horror story are mirrors and silent, murderous little kids. So P3 has that going for it. But beyond that, it's just a collection of scary images instead a functioning story. But I do like Tom Skerritt.

Doom is a turd, there is no doubt about that. But I do like the cast so I can forgive it being an otherwise horrid film -- and a total rip off of everything else in the genre.

Ed said...

Andrew, Some of these would be on my list too! Lol!

There is such a huge drop off from "Conan" to "Conan II" that it also seems like they couldn't be related.

I've never heard of "Immortal."

"Rule one of Beerfest. . . you don't talk about Beefest!" :D

AndrewPrice said...

Ed, "Rule number two: you don't talk about Beerfest!" I love the "so this means Gamgam really is a whore?"

Immortal is a European film (possibly Italian made). It's in English. Some of the characters are computer generated and others are real people -- Thomas Kretchmann is the lead (he's the bad guy in Resident Evil 2). It's just weird. It takes place in New York City in the future. It's about an Egyptian god who is looking for a body to inhabit so that he can mate with this blue woman. The guy he chooses is a political prison who has escaped prison. And there is a politician trying to hunt him down and kill him. It's really an off movie that I suspect has a good movie buried deep within it. But what's on the surface is... well, not good. I can't recommend it.

What's really interesting to me about the two Conans, is that the tone changed. The first was a very serious action film and the second was basically a cheesy action/comedy. I think it's a strange and poor choice to change the essence of your film in the sequel.

BevfromNYC said...

Hey where is the champagne? What no hors d'oeuvres? This is an opening! There at least should be cheese and crackers, grapes, little plastic cups of cheap jug wine. Well, congrats anyway! ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, No budget for it. We blew it all on the yellow paint job on the walls. Very sad, bad budgeting. :-(

What films are on your list?

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew - You are seriously asking me what my favorite film is? Haven't I made that perfectly clear?? ;-\

Okay, Gone With The Wind. As I may have explained before, I have been able to track my "maturity" by the characters for which I have the most sympathy as I have grown up. The first time I saw the movie I was 12 or 13. I fell in love with Ashley and could relate to why Scarlett loved him so. Scarlett was only 15 or 16 at the beginning of the movie. As I have grown up, my affinities have changed. And my affinity for the female characters has changed too. Maybe a topic for an article one day.

Other movies that I love to watch over and over:
Defending Your Life
National Treasure
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
(*didn't much care for the Temple of Doom and the Crystal Skull one was just a rip-off)
Oh, God (George Burns was an excellent "God")
Evan Almighty (so is Morgan Freeman)

As you can see I love quasi religious themed and history hunting themed movies.

And "Rudy" I just can't not watch that movie when it's on...

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Not "favorite" so much as "guilty pleasure" I was pretty sure (as in 100% sure) that GWTW was your favorite! :-)

(That would make an interesting article by the way...)

That's a good list. I haven't seen the Oh God movies in years, but I used to love those. As for Temple of Doom and Crystal Skull, yeah, those are best forgotten. But the other two get an enthusiastic thumbs up!

I actually haven't seen Defending Your Life. Interesting concept though!

BevfromNYC said...

Another Albert Brooks movie you might like if you've never seen it -
"Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World" - it's a mockumentary. Very funny and interesting.

Anonymous said...

Defending Your Life is very good and there's a quick montage in the film of moments from Albert Brooks' character's life which is laugh-out-loud hilarious.

And I for one enjoy all three Indy movies equally. (Crystal Skull is just one massive disappointment.) A screenwriting blog called Script Shadow did a great write-up on the film's flaws and contrasted it with the strengths of Raiders. It's amazing how the mighty have fallen.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I saw the trailer for that at BH, but I never got around to seeing the film. I'll check it out. It does sounds interesting.

Notawonk said...

ohhhh, i thought of another really bad movie i love: Con Air.

so many things wrong with this move, yet so delicious.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, The difference between Raiders and the rest is just stunning. Doom struck me as too much of a fake videogame -- kind of Gooniesish. And Crystal Skull was so bad I almost didn't finish it -- that one was made purely for money and it's obvious they just didn't care....

"That shot didn't work sir"...
"I don't care, just print it."

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, Goooooood call! The movie is just flat out ridiculous, but a heck of a lot of fun to watch! Plus, I love the cast!

Anonymous said...

Andrew - I'm sending a quick e-mail to the guys who run Libertas Film Magazine (one of the links I sent you) telling them of this site.

I hope you don't mind!

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, Please do. Please spread the word far and wide. The more the merrier.

And hopefully, the more people we get the more things we can offer.

ambisinistral said...

How can you not have a Steven Seagal movie on that list??? I would strongly recomme3nd On Deadly Ground.

The plot revolves around an Eeeeevil oilman, played by that ol' ham-bone Michael Caine, who is installing defective valves that are causing his oil rigs to explode.

Why he is blowing up his own oil rigs is never exactly explained, but it infuriates Steven Seagal, who plays a zen spouting oil rig fire fighter.

He's furious because Caine's corporate assassins killed his friend and also because exploding
oil rigs are bad for the environment. His solution -- kill a bunch of oil rig workers and blow the oil rig up himself!

It has everything, mustache twirling Eeeevil CEO, the aforementioned corporate assassins, wise ol' injuns and gobs of zen wisdom spouted by our hero. The final speech has to be seen to be believed.

AndrewPrice said...

ambisinistral, I have indeed seen it. And it's not on my list for the very reasons you mention! LOL!

But the way you describe it, it sounds like it might just be bad enough to be good? Hmmm. Maybe I should give it another shot! :-)

Actually, I never got Seagal's appeal. He always struck me as a nasty person. So while he didn't really do anything different than van Damme or Arnuld or Sly, he was so unlikeable that I just never really liked watching him. Which is a shame because Under Siege was a pretty good movie -- Tom Lee Jones and Gary Busey! Woo hoo! Pyschos aplenty!

T-Rav said...

I don't know what that supposed Indiana Jones movie was that Bev was talking about, Kingdom of the Charcoal something or other, but everyone knows there have only been three such movies made. Stop perpetuating this hoax about a fourth.

And Temple of Doom is NOT a bad movie! Stop your lies, Andrew!

Anonymous said...

Andrew and ambisinistral -

Don't worry. Seagal is mentioned in my upcoming guilty pleasures list and all I'll say is this: if you don't like him, then you'll like what happens to his character in the movie I talk about!

They showed us On Deadly Ground in my senior year marine biology class.* We had a sub that day and no one paid any attention to the film anyway.

*Yes, we had marine bio. in high school - one of the advantages of living in South Florida. It was the first time since elementary school where I got to use crayons in class.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, I understand that some sixth graders as a special needs school put together a film using a computer graphics program. They pasted Harrison Ford's face on their main character and it somehow ended up in theaters under the title "Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull." That's all we're talking about.... there's never been an official fourth film.

So you and Scott are both Temple of Doom fans? Oh boy. Is there a club for that?

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, That's actually kind of shocking -- not that you had a Marine Biology class, but that someone would show a Steven Seagal movie in a classroom. I can't even begin to image what educational value that would have.... other than "don't be like this jerk"?

So you studied marine biology huh? We had a week of that in Colorado, but no one grasped the concept of water gathering in large amounts.

Anonymous said...

So you and Scott are both Temple of Doom fans? Oh boy. Is there a club for that?

Yeah, and our secret hideout is called Fort Awesome. (That's a NewsRadio reference - I might have to review that show for the site one day.)

Ha!! I studied marine bio. because I didn't have the credits to get into environmental science and I didn't want to take physics or anatomy. (Come on, it was senior year!) I would've taken forensics but CSI hadn't popularized it yet!

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, "News Radio" was a great show. And a total shock when Hartman was killed. I actually thought it was a joke the first time I heard it.

Ah yes, the old requirement thing. I wanted a minor in Capitalist Piggery, but I could never fit Raping the Environment into my class schedule.

So how does manatee taste? Since you took marine biology, I think that's only a fair question. ;-)

(oops, typo... sorry)

Anonymous said...

Oh, give the manatees a break! :-)

I honestly don't know how they taste. I'm not much of a fish person, other than tuna, shrimp, and salmon.

Hell, I thought the tilapia they served us during the NASA study was chicken for the first 7 weeks! (Granted, it was hospital tilapia and not real tilapia.)

AndrewPrice said...

Somehow, I didn't think you'd tasted manatee -- as it's an endangered species. It doesn't look particularly tasty in any event.

By the way, as a heads up, I'm working on a review of Lord of the Rings (and watching 48 hours of straight Star Trek on the SciFi Channel). I will be curious to see people's reactions.

Anonymous said...

I was about to accuse you of being a mustache-twirling conservative cliche who hated the environment. "Those manatees won't stand in the way of my new oil rig! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!" :-D

A review of all three Rings films or just the first one?! (I own them but I haven't watched them in years.)

48 hours of Trek? You should've invited me over! I'm sure my boss would've understood. Some fans in LA recently got together to watch all 11 films in one sitting. I shoulda been there.

I watched the first four Trek: TOS episodes but I have a lot of work ahead of me. I'm gonna try to average two per night.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, As an evil capitalist, I don't even need a reason to kill manatees. But stopping my oil rigs before I can blow them up myself to spill the oil would definitely be a good enough reason for me. :-)

I'm going to take on all three LOTR films at once. Doing them separately would probably result in too much repetitiveness.

I figured you were watching the Star Trek marathon yourself! It's been on all weekend. They're doing Generations right now.

Nice work on TOS. I'm rewatching them myself.

T-Rav said...

Andrew, as punishment for mocking me and our Doom club, I will lead an army of manatees against you to blow up your secret underwater facility. Then I will watch as you rave in the air and cry, "MY OIL RIG EMPIRE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!" And then I'll head back to Fort Awesome and have a laugh about it.

AndrewPrice said...

T_Rav, NOOOOOOO! Not my beautiful oil rigs! They never even had the chance to cause an ecological disaster! You monster! Damn you T_Rav Seagal! You win this round.... but I'll be back. I'm this ->*<- close to buying a pollution factory. It makes nothing but pollution! Mwoooo ha ha ha ha!

Anonymous said...

All three films? There's no reason that article shouldn't get hundreds of hits, if not more.

Re: the Trek marathon, I've been tuning in and out. I watched part of IV this morning and First Contact last night.

As far as evil capitalism, you may have touched on this already but it might be worth doing write-ups on specific cliches and breaking them down. Having dipped my indie toe into conservative waters, I know they're not all true but a lot of people sure do! I wouldn't be surprised if some left-leaning website picks up your "pollution factory" joke and runs with it!

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, That's not a bad idea at all -- debunking the standard cliches that Hollywood uses to make villains. I think I'm going to add that to my list of upcoming articles. Good thinking!

I hope they do run with the pollution factory. I would love to see this make the rounds and then one morning see an article at HuffPo decrying my factory! Or better yet, see some ignorant Congresscritter pass a resolution condemning my non-existent factory! :-)

Heck, there might even be a pretty funny enviro-satire in there somewhere!

It will be interesting to see the responses to the LOTR review. I'm betting many people will be upset. But I bet many will also say: "what a great point. . . and a snazzy dresser too!" We'll see.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Wow! Impressive list Andrew!

I've seen most of those flicks on your list, and there's some I really liked;

Conan The Destroyer:
I didn't mind the cheesy plot so much because the comedy moments were pretty good and the music was awesome.

Another good soundtrack and the fight scenes were entertaining.
I dunno, I shouldn't like this film but I do.

Predator 2:
I thought the supporting cast was great, and most managed to make he awful (at times) writing work.
Bill Paxson and a ameo by Adam Baldwin? How can I resist? :^)

Used to watch this one a lot with our kids, along with The Dark Crystal, Willow, The Muppet Movies, Neverending Stories, etc..
Fun times!

The Quick And The Dead:
Gene Hackman was great, as always!
Why does anyone think Sharon Stone can act? Or is it just me?
Russel Crow also good.

You really think they were tryin' to make fun of us hicks? I wouldn't put it past a lot of directors/producers but usually it's pretty obvious when they do stuff like that (then again I tend to miss the obvious sometimes).
I just thought the director only knew western cliches and couldn't manage to be creative at all, lol.
Still, an entertaining movie.

Tremors 2;
I loved this one almost as much as the first.
Like you I can't pass up Fred Ward and Michael Gross (who is hilarious in all the Tremors series, lol).


AndrewPrice said...

USS Ben, Thanks! This is a hard list to pass up! :-)

"I shouldn't like this film but I do." -- that's exactly how I am with all these films.

On Conan, I LOVE the soundtrack from the first one and I liked the one from the second. What sells me on the second is more the cheesy action, which is just fun to watch.

Dark Crystal, Willow, Neverending Story, and the Muppet Movies.... I've got them all. LOL! "A bear's natural habitat is a Studebaker." :-)

I don't think Stone can act. But I do love Hackman and Crow, and I thought Hendriksen and Keith David were great! I've read somewhere that the film was done as an insult, and they talked a lot about "deconstructing" Westerns. But I don't care. It's a great film and the joke's on them if they think this somehow will hurt Westerns.

I love both Tremors films and Gross and Ward are fantastic. Gross in particular is absolutely hilarious -- especially since I only knew him as Alex Keaton's ultra-liberal father from Family Ties. This was a great contrast to that -- and he had some great, great lines.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Here's a few I found wandering in my noggin:

Alien Apocalypse with Bruce Campbell! Bruce. Campbell. 'Nuff said.

Army Of Darkness guessed it! Bruce Campbell! I thought this was the best of the evil dead trilogy.

Caveman, with Ringo Starr, Dennis Qaid and John Matuszac (and Adrian Barbeau and Shelly Long!!).
Very funny movie!

Howard The Duck:
What can I say? I loved it! But I was a Howard fan before it
The guy who played Dr. Jennings was superb as was Jonesy (Robbins...a great actor despite bein' an annoying leftist).

Eight Legged Freaks:
Freaky fun! Much better than Arachnaphobia although that wasn't a bad movie either. :^)

Slither, with Nathan Fillion.
Very underrated flick! This is pure entertainment goodness folks!

Rambo, the last one.
With such a low budget I thought this one was on par with First Blood as far as quality.
Impressive and some good lines too.

Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and Jet Li.
Okay, this coulda been a lot better but what the hey, it's got Jackie Chan and Jet Li!

Pretty much all of Jackie Chan and Jet Li's movies are entertaining and often fun to watch so I won't list them all. You're welcome Andrew. :^)

Snakes On A Plane!
Snakes on a plane...,with Samuel Jackson! Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Copperhead, with the great Brad Johnson!
Want some cheese with that fun you'll be havin' watching this flick? Sometimes cheese can be fun.

I got more if you wanna hear 'em.
(No! Please, God! Make him stop!).

AndrewPrice said...

USS Ben, I wanted to put Army of Darkness on the list, but I decided it would fit better on a cult classics list because it has attained that status. And yep, I never miss that one when it's on!

I actually haven't see Eight Legged Freaks, but I do like Arachnophobia.

I like Chan a lot and I'm a big fan of Li. I especially like Hero -- if I ever do a foreign film list, it will be near the top.

On Copperhead, I actually find myself watching all these movies on the SciFi channel -- killer sharks, snakes, gators, elevators, storms.... I'm a sucker for cheesy sci-fi/horror.

ambisinistral said...


You have to approach Seagal from the realization that he's copying Tom Laughlin's acting style. From that ridiculous fact all things follow.

Sdd to that his bloated ego that won't leave him get hurt, much less beaten in a screen fight, and the mix is complete.

Hence the goofily dressed, zen-spouting, pacifistic character breaking bones left and right, all the while wearing the expression of somebody buying a Slurpee ay a convenience store.

The man is incapable of making a sane artistic decision when he creates his movies.

AndrewPrice said...

ambisinistral, Excellent description of Seagal. That totally explains why he seems to do nothing more than waddle around from set to set, looking like he's constipated and then takes guys out with the laziest karate moves on record. Seriously, his fights are like:

Seagal: chop, chop (never moves feet)
Bad guy: flop
Seagal: (wipes sweat from brow, pants for breath) (insert arrogant, obnoxious line)... "Don't mess with me."

What's really funny is that all the best action heroes learned the value of taking a beating to get the audience tense before they come through in the end. Not Seagal.

Anonymous said...

"So you and Scott are both Temple of Doom fans? Oh boy. Is there a club for that?" Count me in on that club as well, Andrew. However, of the three Indy movies, I have to say that I like The Last Crusade the best.

On Conan the Destroyer - I liked the comedy in that movie. I think that's why I like Temple of Doom - the comedy lightened things up a bit and balanced the more serious stuff (like the melting faces from Raiders). Did I mention before that I don't like to see faces melting?

Anyway, back to Conan. I think the line you quoted was great: “My brother's sister's cousin never said anything about bars.” That line was said by Tracey Walter, who was also one of the Swill brothers in one of my favorite TV shows, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. (also starring the awesome Bruce Campbell).

Now back to the original topic. I think one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies is Fast Forward. It's a cheesy dance movie from 1985, directed by Sidney Poitier. The acting is pretty lame, but the dance moves are what I really enjoy.


AndrewPrice said...

TJ, I see the fan club is growing! LOL! For the record, it's not like I don't watch it when it comes on television, it's just my 3rd least favorite in the series. I agree with you about the melting faces. It wasn't necessary or particularly attractive. It got the point across, but really wasn't needed.

I loved "Brisco County Jr."!! They canceled that way too soon. But that's how the networks work. They will run a dull sitcom about 20-somethings having sex into the ground, but they cancel anything original if it doesn't instantly become a world-wide hit. That's too bad.

I'm a big Bruce Campbell fan too.

I liked that quote too from Conan. It's so ridiculously stupid and yet it just fits in the film. It never would have fit in the first one, which was much more serious, but it fit perfectly with the lighter mood in the second one.

I don't think I've seen Fast Forward, at least it doesn't ring any bells. I have seen Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo -- which is the BEST title ever! LOL!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Andrew, I've been thinking (I know, this does not bode well) and the only reason I can think of for Xanadu making your list is the fact that ELO is behind the soundtrack.
Well, that's the only way it makes sense to me anyhow.
If IU'm wrong please don't tell me. :^)

Also, these ain't really guilty pleasures as much as overlooked gems:

Her Alibi with Tom Selleck:
Why this was never a hit I'll never know.
An comedy/mystery/action/romance that's actually funny, virtually ignored. Go figure.

Speaking of Van Damme, check out Desert Heat. This isn't Van Dammes first foray into action/comedy, but it's definitely his best one (In-my-ever-so-humble-opinion.)

The supporting cast really helps make the jokes work and makes Van Damme funnier as well.
Particularly Pat Morita.

AndrewPrice said...

Ben, I think you've put your finger on it with ELO -- great band! And yeah, beyond that, there isn't much to the movie. The one thing it does have going for it though, is that it's a very simple film from a simple time. No one is worried about all the -isms that appeared a few years later or AIDS or global warming. This is something I like from many films of that era, they were just stories -- they didn't try to change the world. And I appreciate that a lot.

Desert Heat, Is that the one where he's the legionnaire? I saw that one, but I don't recall much about it.

I haven't seen Her Alibi, but I'll check it out. Tom Selleck is a guy who should have been in more films.

(P.S. In case I didn't mention it, I'm a big Bruce Campbell fan. My new favorite of his is My Name is Bruce! That one's great!

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

I would be remiss in not including two films that never cease to bring the funny:

The Last Dragon: Sho' 'nuff! I actually like the bad guy in this one more than the good guy. Then again, I like Dr. Evil too who is much more interesting and funny than Austin Powers and who clearly deserves his own movie.

And Undercover Brother: which is more of a parody of the old blacksploitation films than The Last Dragon (which doesn't seem to be a parody but is somewhat of one, albeit unintentionally...I think).
At any rate, this one's more hilarious though.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

No, not the legionnaire one.
Desert heat was also known as Inferno (why it had two titles I have no idea).

Here's the IMDB link (can't believe they only gave it 4.5 stars):

Desert Heat/Inferno

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

My Name Is Bruce is great, lol!
Incidently, USA network did a movie recently with Campbell's Sam Axe character from Burn Notice (while he was still an active duty SEAL) and it was actually better than I had anticipated since they pretty much let Bruce be Bruce or Sam I mean. :^)

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

BTW, congratulations on your big opening, Andrew!

If this wasn't the most consequential post I don't know what is. It certainly had pretty much everything in it, including Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo, lol.

AndrewPrice said...

Ben, Hmm. Apparently I haven't seen Desert Heat. I'll check it out. I didn't think I'd missed any of his films.

Undercover Brother is funny! It definitely does a great job of poking fun at the blacksploitation films -- which I strange enjoy. And I agree about Dr. Evil, he was great! I quote him all the time! :-)

Thanks Ben! I'm glad we're finally officially open. I'm hoping we can offer more movie-related stuff now than we could on the main site. And you're right, any post that eventually mentions "Electric Boogaloo" is indeed highly consequential! :-)

rlaWTX said...

there's not a single Jason Statham film in this article! shame shame! ;)

Congrats on the Opening and may you live long and prosper!

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks rlaWTX!

Yeah, no Jason Statham. There are two reasons for that. For one thing, while I like him a lot (he's a favorite among current actors), his movies often aren't that interesting to me. Things like Death Race and In the Name of the King were let downs. And other films of his are actually pretty good (The Italian Job and The Transporter), so I couldn't put them on a guilty pleasure's list.

Actually, now that I think of it, there is one that should be on the list... Ghosts of Mars, a not very good movie that I watch far too much. Plus, that's also got Ice Cube, who I like as well.

All in all though, he's one of those guys that I really like and would like to see more of.

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