Octopussy. This film suffered from the best part of the film, the smuggling of the atomic bomb onto the American airbase, being made a subplot. That should have been the main plot. General Orlov should have been the villain. And Khan, Octopussy and Magda should have been rolled up into one character whose purpose was to smuggle the bomb unwittingly into West Germany, and then turn on Orlov and help Bond when they discover his dastardly plan.
Diamonds Are Forever. Oh boy. This one needs a big fix. Aside from smacking Connery around to get him to act, this one would have been much better if they focused on the diamond smuggling subplot and morphed that into someone using the hoarded diamonds to fund an overthrow of an African country. This would have allowed Bond to explore the world of high finance, which we’ve seen in other films can be very interesting and has some serious potential in terms of cool visuals. It also would have allowed the story to finish in the world of political intrigue, where strong storylines always lie.
The World Is Not Enough. Robert Carlyle is too good to waste as a confused also-villain. Krapistan is a bad location no one cares about. And forget this unworkable subplot about Elektra being the secret villain. A better story would involve the geopolitics of the region. How about Carlyle being hired to make it appear that Western interests want to blow up the pipeline to bankrupt Turkey, so that Turkey turns against the West and embraces radical Islam?
The Living Daylights. They wanted to make Bond darker and smaller. Ok, sticking with that, look at what they did with Daniel Craig... a film noir action film. The defection that starts TLD is a great plot idea and should become the entire focus – tacking on Afghanistan, the arms dealer and the drug dealing subplots were just a bad idea. Give the defector vital information he won’t share until he’s safe in London and have the incompetent bureaucratic agent who is sent to help Bond be a traitor rather than incompetent. This forces Bond to take the defector through Czechoslovakia on his own and in the process he draws out the other double agents who are working with the traitor. Oh, and get a Bond girl who isn’t narcoleptic.
Moonraker. They wanted to exploit Star Wars... fine. So let’s do this. First, shoot Lewis Gilbert dead... twice... and rough up the corpse. Then, instead of stealing the space shuttle, how about blowing it up while it is carrying a British spy satellite. It was blown up to stop the Brits from spying on Drax’s private island, where he’s assembling a Star Wars SDI-type system that can neutralize a country’s nuclear arsenal, which he intends to use as blackmail.
License To Kill. This started as a revenge film and turned into an episode of Miami Vice. It does neither well, and Bond as just another cop looking for drugs doesn’t work. If you’re going to do the drug angle, how about a drug lord who has invented a drug that is 90% addictive with one dose, has a secret formula that only he knows (so everyone will need to buy from him), and who plans to put the drug into the water supply of a major city. This would raise Bond above the other drug smuggling films and would lead to a great final chase as Bond races to stop them dumping the drugs into the water.
A View To A Kill. This Bond failed mainly because of the actors: Moore is more like a British retiree than a super-spy and the Bond girl is a whiny rich girl who isn’t happy with the millions Zorin offers her and she comes across as someone preparing a legal case. But even beyond that, little of the story related to the plot. Ultimately, there’s nothing wrong with the idea of sinking Silicon Valley under the ocean, but it needs a better villain than a billionaire who wants to be even richer. A better villain would be Russia or “an unknown Asian power” who wants to destabilize the United States... perhaps one that can’t keep up technologically... perhaps a crazed luddite? Maybe you all can help fill in the gaps?
Die Another Day. Yeah. This one can’t be fixed. Bond does not get held captive. He doesn’t visit North Korea. Korean villains can’t turn themselves Caucasian. Korea can’t build the death star. No one goes to Cuba for medical treatment. Invisible car my butt. Just about the only thing that can be saved here is the sword fight. So scrap this one and start from scratch.
What do you think?
I like your fixes, Andrew. the only one where I really might offer a better alternative is Moonraker. Just make a movie of the original book. it was realistic, and it was great. Arguably the best Bond yarn of them all.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jed! I haven't actually read that one, so I can't say how it would work on film, but it would probably be better than the film they made.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, save Moonraker by plotmashing Die Another Day and Diamonds are Forever. What could possibly go wrong?
ReplyDeleteAnd just as a side note, Netflix now has the Bond catalog available to stream through the Brosnan era, with the notable exception of Octopussy.
Dave, They're also doing Bond month on one of the movie channels. It looks like they are doing everything up to Craig's first two.
ReplyDeleteI don't see the mix with Die Another Day. It's more like mixing Moonraker with Diamonds Are Forever.
For Die Another Day, spin off the invisible car into it's own animated children's cable television series. Call it something like Ghost Traxx and forget about Bond. Unless they want to revisit James Bond Jr. who, strangely enough, was actually JB's nephew. Weird.
ReplyDeleteThat's a mind focused on marketing to think of the spin off! LOL!
ReplyDeleteWell, you know me. And if at all possible, we should secure John Cleese to do the voice of Q.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that would fit. He should also have a slobbering green ghost that travels with him and gets him into trouble.
ReplyDeleteAndrew - I know you are to busy to read these, but if you read just one, read Moonraker! :) Basically, it was based on the V2 rocket. Drax was supposedly an Englishman who had become incredibly wealthy, and developed a "super" V2 to protect Great Britain from attack by missiles. He was going to have a well publicized "test" but had actually changed the coordinates so it would veer off course and detonate a nuclear warhead in downtown London. "M" loans Bond to the domestic intelligence branch (MI5?) where they have an operative on the inside. Needless to say, JB and Gala, with much difficulty save the day. Nothing over the top or that strained believability, much like "From Russia With Love."
ReplyDeleteJed, Sounds like a good plot. I've read Thunderball and Dr. No, but haven't gotten around to the rest. I really need to vanish for a month and just read the books I need to read and see the movies I need to see.
ReplyDeleteHard to do when you have a law practice and high intensity political and film blogs. I'll never know where you get the energy. BTW, in one week, I'm scheduled for my heart surgery, so everybody's positive thoughts will be appreciated. Probably after Sunday, I'll be off-line for a bit for a while.
ReplyDeleteJed, It's even worse than that. I'm writing tons of stuff! Caffeine is my friend. 8-/
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with the surgery. We'll be pulling for you! Be well my friend! :D
Thoughts and prayers going out for you Tennessee Jed. And from one member to another, welcome to the zipper club, sorry you have to join.
ReplyDeleteYour Liscence to Kill plot revision sounds more like something the Joker would attempt in a Batman movie.
ReplyDeleteThe point being is that there appears to be a very fine line between "James Bond, super-spy" and "Bruce Wayne - super-hero".
djskit, There's a fine line between all superhero movies and action hero films. The only difference is how seriously you present the story, the characters, and how close to reality you stay with the visuals.
ReplyDeleteGetting people hooked on drugs was the plot to Live and Let Die long before Batman did it. This is just a different twist on that.
Also, when you're talking about something as generic as a drug plot, if you want to do a Bond film, there needs to be something spectacular to it or he becomes just another cop.
First off, Andrew, I am amazed at your remarkable memory for these bad Bonds. With a couple of exceptions they're pretty dim to me now.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, by a level of coincidence only found in children's television programming, I watched "A View to a Kill" last night on Netflix and even thought of a couple of things that might help it.
1.Bond should be called out of retirement for the case and have his age as a handicap throughout the plot. Play off Zorin's relative youth and Bond's age. Adjust stunts and action scenes accordingly.
2.Ditch the comedy cops and firetruck scene. No relation to the plot at all. The movie is so unmemorable that it was like seeing it for the first time. When I hit this scene I knew exactly why.
3.Kill the whiney bitch who lives in the white house. She should have accidently fallen off the sidewalk into the water at the party and drowned after giving Bond the clue.
4.Keep the hot KGB babe. The complication with the Russian KGB was good, but should have been handled better structurally. The reveal that they were on the side of the good guys and their tie with Zorin should have been later in the story.
Otherwise the bad guy madman who wanted to destroy silicon valley via earthquake was a pretty good idea.
ADD: Zorin was a creation of the KGB. His reason for destroying Silicon Valley wasn't just getting richer, it was getting back at his handlers who, at that time, were desperate for Western technology because their country was collapsing. This should have been made more explicit.
ReplyDeleteWhen Mayday goes to bed with the elderly Bond, it may have been the most unique method of trying to kill Bond in the entire series. ^_^;;;. Another miss.
Kill the whiney bitch who lives in the white house.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this site has definitely been flagged by the NSA, now.
As an interesting aside before the Secret Service comes and re-educates us all, that white house she lives in was actually the mortuary in Phantasm. She should shoot her realtor.
ReplyDeleteThanks K. It's scary to think about how much useful knowledge I no longer have because my mind is full of the details of these films.
ReplyDeleteI think View to a Kill could be fixed quite simply actually. New actors, tighter script, more focus on Silicon Valley and stronger motive. That may sound like a lot, but it's not... it wouldn't require a major re-write at all.
this site has definitely been flagged by the NSA, now.
ReplyDelete... and about time too.
Jed: Holding a good thought here.
ReplyDeleteActually in "Die Another" the only thing I like is the beginning where Bond gets captured and roughed up. Shows he isn't unstoppable, un-killable and perfect. He's human and he bleeds. I'm 48 so I came of age with Roger Moore who never wrinkled his suit or had a hair out of place, let alone take a good realistic punch in the mouth.
ReplyDeleteK, We should call the NSA... "why aren't you monitoring us?" LOL!
ReplyDeletePikeBishop, I still like my Bond to escape, but I know what you mean. I too came of age under Moore and it's cringe-worthy that he doesn't even wrinkle a suit in a fight.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, Shawn, and K- thanks for th good thoughts, guys!
ReplyDelete